


Assassin Reader Fic That Does Not Have A Title Yet [*Slow Updates*]

by siryoonglez



Category: Original Work, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: A white tiger appears, Alternate Universe - Assassins & Hitmen, Angst, Blood and Gore, Cannibalism, Developing Friendships, Drugs, Friendship, Gen, In Chapter 10, Kidnapping, Minor Character Death, Murder, Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV First Person, Tags Are Hard, Tags May Change, Threats of Violence, Torture, Training, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:29:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 29,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23153281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siryoonglez/pseuds/siryoonglez
Summary: You're a normal kid with a normal life until all of that changes one day. A strange man invades your home, kills your parents, and takes you faraway to South Korea along with dozens of other kids. He tells you all that you are now his children, part of his empire, and that he will train you to become assassins. Resist and there's only death awaiting you. Perform poorly and there's only misfortune. You make a friend along the way but even that small happiness doesn't last. Only when you become truly strong is when you escape this wretched life, this seemingly endless cycle of violence and death. And when you're finally, finally, free from everything, finally able to forge your own path, you make 7 new friends that will grow to love and cherish you, as you do them.[Reader fic, first-person pov]PLS READ THE NOTES, ESPECIALLY THE LAST ONE!!
Relationships: Bangtan Boys Ensemble/Reader, Reader/Other(s)
Kudos: 21





	1. Leaving It All Behind

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I'm siryoonglez (on here and twitter)!! I have been working on this story for quite a while now, on and off, and I got tired of it just sitting in my notes, so I decided to start posting it. I'm pretty new to writing :3 but I hope you all find this fic interesting!!  
> Some things to go over:  
> \- Read from perspective of reader regardless of gender (hopefully :3) (i'm trying)  
> \- There are some set characteristics of the reader, like being 17 and living in America at the beginning, but a great majority of it takes place in South Korea  
> \- I wrote this in first person pov because I wanted the reader to be able to insert themself into the story, like they're thinking these thoughts and having these experiences. I hope it is conveyed that way  
> \- To clarify: This fic is mainly about the reader and the experiences they go through. It is not about Bangtan, even though I tagged them. Though I do plan on including them in the story, they will most likely appear towards the end. Also there will be no romantic/sexual relationships between any of the boys and the reader. Just friendly and possibly cute stuff :)

The TV screen lit up the dark living room. The only one out here is me, chilling in my pajamas, which is really just a long shirt, underwear, and socks. The clock up on the wall above the television reads 10:00. It's about time to go to bed since tomorrow is a school day but that doesn't motivate me to get up off the couch.  
  
My stomach started to grumble so I went to the kitchen to eat a snack before going back to the couch to settle into the cushions and continue to watch the show that's on.  
  
As the night drags on, the paranoia begins. The front of the house is off to the right of the living room and from my spot on the couch, the front door is visible. I could've sworn the lock moved a little and made a small click noise.  
  
It's midnight when the front door opens quietly. There was enough time for me to jump off the couch in fear and wedge myself in the small space between the couch and the wall it's next to before being seen.  
  
A man and a woman, clad in all black outfits and face masks, walk in past the threshold of the front door. While peeking around the side of the couch to watch, I notice the woman is carrying a katana. My addled mind goes into a panic immediately. _What the fuck?! Who are they? Why are they barging into our house? Oh god, I left the TV on! They must know I'm out here._  
  
The woman with the katana pays no mind to the TV and makes a bee line for my parents' room. She quietly opens the door, steps inside, and shuts it. An awful high-pitched scream is heard, followed by another deeper one, then there's just silence. A few seconds later, she leaves the room with blood dripping off her blade onto the tiled floor. She shuts the bedroom door and walks out of the house like nothing happened. Like she didn't just murder my parents in cold blood.  
  
The man is still there, waiting by the now-closed front door. He steps further into the house, looking around. His footsteps are getting louder as he comes closer to me. Rooted to the spot, I close my eyes and pray he doesn't spot me. His footsteps stop abruptly soon after. Not everyone gets what they wish for.  
  
Seeing that he was walking slowly over to me made me just about ready to piss myself. I tried my best to not show fear, to put on an impassive face, but I don't think it was very convincing.  
  
When he reached my hiding spot, he stopped in front of me and lowered himself down to one knee on the floor. I stared at him, wondering what the actual fuck was happening. The man reached up to take off his face mask and I quickly shut my eyes. But they flew open just as quick when I felt a sharp pain on my arm, an angry red mark blooming there. The man had pinched me hard and now he's innocently smiling down at me, the face mask already off. I glared at him and, in turn, he studied my face. From the few seconds we stared at each other, I noticed some things. The man is of Asian ethnicity, is in his 40s (if the signs of aging on his face were any indication), and handsome—much more that I'd like to admit.  
  
"Get up," he ordered.   
  
His voice was deep and smooth, but assertive. He grabbed my arm, sat me back on the couch, and told me to stay there. I did as he said, of course, mostly because I didn't know what would happen to me if I didn't (and maybe partly due to the fact that his authoritative tone made me feel slightly aroused. Fucked up, I know.)  
  
He rounded the couch and made his way to the kitchen. From all the clanking noises, it sounded like he was searching for pots and pans in the cupboards.   
  
Meanwhile, my mind was racing with all kinds of thoughts. _What's going on? What is he doing in the kitchen? What is he going to do to me? Is he going to kill me? Why hasn't he yet?_  
  
Alarms were going off in my head. _Oh my god! I bet he's going to sell me off to a sex trafficking ring! Maybe I could fight back and run...?_  
  
I huffed at that thought. _Who am I kidding? I literally have no upper body strength; I'd lose in an instant. And I don't have any money or anything valuable to give him to get him to leave. I could kiss up to him, convince him not to maybe?_  
  
Gears were turning in my head, thinking of how to get out of this mess. _Maybe I could distract him. Catch him off guard, hurt him in some way, then make a run for it. I don't have anything to make a distraction with, though. Just... myself... oh god no._  
  
I lost my resolve as soon as _that_ thought popped into my head. Trying to seduce a man that is more than twice my age isn't the most appealing idea. But then my thoughts went to my parents, just in the other room, lifeless and cold. I had to live—for them.   
  
The man was still in the kitchen, cooking for whatever reason. It would probably be a while before he would finish so it was a perfect opportunity to make a plan. My appearance was... attractive? People have told me I'm good-looking or beautiful before, though I never really believed it. Maybe it could be used to my advantage. Still, exploiting myself like this didn't sit well with me but I couldn't think of something better so it'll have to do. The man seems like the type to get off to anything anyways, gender or otherwise.  
  
It's now 45 minutes past midnight. All that commotion in the kitchen ceased so the man accomplished whatever he was doing. There's a really nice smell wafting into the living room.   
  
"Come here," his gruff voice commanded. He is sitting at the kitchen table, one bowl of soup in front of him, and another steaming bowl in front of the unoccupied chair across the table from him. Getting up from the couch, I sauntered over to the table and sat down in the seat.  
  
I pondered for a moment if the soup was safe to eat. He could have poisoned it or something. But, well... if he really wanted to kill me, spending 45 minutes in a kitchen, making a whole ass meal isn't the most efficient way to do it. I decided to chance it and took my first spoonful. My eyes widened slightly in surprise and a hum of approval sounded from the back of my throat. It actually tasted really good.  
  
While eating, I noticed the man was watching me eat (fondly?), but I ignored the look he gave me. It was too weird, especially from someone that looked like he could kill from his glare alone. The man was done with his bowl before me. For a few minutes, it was quiet as we digested our food. I broke the silence by standing up, the chair quietly screeching against the floor tiles, and walking towards the man.  
  
It's time.  
  
I straddled his thighs while maintaining eye contact with him. We stared at each other before the man grinned at me, perfect teeth and all. I beamed back at him, my thoughts betraying my kind smile.  
  
_How I'd like to wipe that grin off your face. If only you made a meal that required a freaking fork to be used. I'd plunge it into your eye and try to make a run for it. At least then, I'd have a fighting chance._  
  
I leaned forward but he stopped me when our faces were centimeters apart. "As fun as this would be, sweetheart, you're still a minor." He patted my thigh. "Off."   
  
I didn't budge, so he grabbed my waist and gently placed me on the floor. "15 minutes. Change into proper clothes. Gather everything you consider important or valuable. Get going."  
  
With the way he spoke, there were no room for defiance. I reluctantly got up and went straight to my room to pack and put on a pair of black sweatpants and sneakers. I pulled a black sports duffel bag from the closet and filled it with clothes, accessories, and other essentials. The photo of me and my parents on my dresser was shoved into the bag as well. I knew I wasn't going to be back here for a long time.  
  
With a few minutes to spare, I made my way to the bedroom door to leave. On the way out, something on my dresser caught my eye—a pendant. It was the last gift my parents gave to me. I slowly picked it up and hugged it to my chest, silently crying and wishing I could see them again. I could very well walk into their room right now but all that would be staring back at me were two pairs of empty eyes.  
  
Right then and there, I was determined to become strong for them and survive, whatever it takes, to avenge my parents one day.   
  
I wiped the tears off my face, composed myself, and walked out of the room with the pendant in my pocket. The man was standing by the front door and our eyes met. He nodded at me and then opened the front door.  
  
I stepped out into cold, early morning air, the man following and closing the door behind him. He led me to an expensive-looking black car with heavily tinted windows.  
  
I climbed into the car.


	2. All Aboard

The man pulled out the driveway and merged onto the road, humming to songs on the radio and tapping the steering wheel along to the beats. The whole time I couldn't stop thinking. Couldn't stop thinking about what will happen when we get to our final destination. Couldn't stop thinking about why I was taken from my home. Couldn't stop thinking about how I can get out of this situation.

Ideas swirled in my head for any way to run from the danger. The man had a gun tucked into a holster on his waistband. I thought about snatching it away from him and holding him at gunpoint, but I’m not sure if I could do it fast enough. As consequence, he might hurt me or kill me, so I’m not even sure the risk is worth it. Plus trying anything while he's driving would be careless. There's no guarantee I'd live to see another day. 

I sighed in resignation and faced towards my window. As the city lights went by, it dawned on me that he was taking me out of the city. We entered the highway, the man speeding down the lanes.

We finally arrived at our destination an hour or so later. It looked like a private airport. The man drove up to a massive cargo plane. There were people standing outside the plane's open ramp, workers maybe, ready to take the car into its cargo hold. We got out of the car and grabbed our belongings. Hidden behind the huge plane was a smaller one. The man directed me over to the smaller plane and we boarded it.

What I saw was the last thing I'd expect. There was a diverse array of kids on the plane—at least thirty of them. From how young they looked, they were maybe from age 12 to my age. They were quiet—either sleeping, whispering among themselves, staring off into space, or crying. Two tall, scary-looking men in all black and face masks were watching over them (which is a very valid reason to cry.) For a moment I wondered why the man that abducted me isn't wearing his mask. Is he an important figure to these people or does he just not care?

The man sat me down in an aisle seat near the front of the aircraft next to a boy. He left me there in favor of speaking to the two men watching over the kids. The boy next to me didn't seem to notice there was someone in the seat beside him. He was staring out the window, deep in his thoughts. He finally sensed my presence and turned towards me with a small sad smile. 

"Hi", he greeted softly. I smiled and greeted him back. 

"My name is Jaime." 

I told him my name in return. He nodded and turned back to the window.

"How old are you, Jaime?" I asked after a short while. He didn't look much older than me. 

"16."

"Hm. I knew you were around my age. I'm 17."

"Oh. You're older."

"Yep."

It was kind of an awkward exchange. I wasn’t sure of what to say but I tried to keep the conversation going.

"Do you know why we're here?"

Jaime shook his head. "No. I don't think any of us do."

"How did you get here?" I already knew the answer but asked anyway.

He looked at me then looked down at his lap. 

"Two people, dressed like those men over there," he discreetly pointed to the man that abducted me and the pair of tall men at the back of the plane, "brought me here after... after killing my parents. They told me to pack my stuff and drove me here."

I offered my hand to him to hold for comfort and he took it. "I'm sorry for your loss."

"I'm sorry for yours too."

I tensed at that because I never told him what happened to me; I didn't want to think about it, never mind talk about it. He looked at me, noticing the tension. As if he read my mind, he said, "I assumed the same thing happened to you. Pretty sure it happened to every kid on this plane." He shrugged and turned back to the window.

"Yeah... unfortunately it did," I mumbled, relaxing back into my seat.

We fell into a comfortable silence. He never pulled his hand away from mine. I was content. I gave him my hand in support but the warmth of his hand gave me comfort as well. Though we didn't show it, we were mourning the deaths of our parents. We were terrified of where we're being taken to, but we put on a brave face. Jaime lightly squeezed my hand. The simple gesture put me at ease a bit. 

It felt like we've been sitting here for hours before the sound of the plane's engine roared through the cabin. 

_This is it. They're taking all of us. We're leaving._

I squeezed the boy's hand back. I can only hope that wherever they're taking us isn't too bad.


	3. Welcome

By the time the plane landed, the sun was rising, which made me confused. It was 3 or 4 hours after midnight when we left the U.S. and it felt like we traveled for half a day. It should have been in the afternoon. It wasn't long until I realized we must have traveled across the world, Asia maybe, so it would be morning here.

During that long agonizing flight, the two masked men gave us snacks and water to keep us sated. They gave barf bags to the air-sick kids. They even let us use the restroom whenever we needed to. For a second I thought that it was nice that they were being caring and considerate of us. The thought quickly disappeared after remembering that they fucking orphaned and abducted us.

The plane landed on a large runway with other parked aircraft scattered around. Everyone began to exit by rows, starting from the front. We grabbed our stuff and the pair of masked men ushered us out of the plane, similar to the way flight attendants would.

When I stepped out the plane with Jaime ( _we're finally on the ground, thank god_ ), there were young women and men dressed in all black, only this time without face masks. They were lined up on both sides of the plane exit, facing each other and going all the way to the large opening of a tall, wide building. It seemed like they were here to make sure none of us ran off.

At the end of the makeshift walkway formed from the men and women, there were even more children, split into six groups. A young woman was asking each kid that got off the plane a question, then pointed at a group for them to go to. Jaime and I approached her when it was our turn.

"How old are you?" queried the woman.

"17." 

"16."

"Okay," the woman replied. "You will go over there", she looked at me and pointed to the furthest group, "and you will join the group next to it", she looked at Jaime then pointed to the second furthest group, the one next to mine. 

We didn't want to be separated but at least our groups were close to each other. We joined our designated groups and made sure we were by the outer edges of our groups so that we were only an arm's length from each other.

Now inside, the building looks more like a headquarters, the type you see in shows and movies. The six groups were split up by age, that much was obvious. The building is spacious and the ceiling was very high. I'm pretty sure the floor we are on was a cafeteria of sorts, just without all the tables and chairs. There are eight floors from what I can see, including the ground floor. Looking up, there were indoor balconies for each floor that lined the inside of the building in a circle, spread out one above another, that overlooked the cafeteria. There are tons of windows, reflective from the outside. There's also raised platform in front of us with a giant screen behind it.

When everyone had filed into the building, the entrance we came through was sealed off. The people that 'greeted' us when we got off the plane shuffled in and lined up side by side in front of the platform. Their sudden presence made me nervous. Something was about to happen. Jaime and I exchanged looks, probably thinking the same thing.

The giant screen lit up. It read 'Face forward. Pay attention.' in several different languages. Then a black silhouette of a man emerged and footsteps echoed throughout the building. The man came into view and smirked.

I recognized him immediately. My eyes widened in surprise then narrowed in anger. It was the man that abducted me from my home and left my parents for dead.

The man stood there for a minute, surveying us. He opened his mouth to speak in his language, the screen behind him translating in the different languages.

"You all are probably wondering why you're here." 

_Yeah_ , _no shit sherlock,_ my mind supplied.

"We brought you all here, to South Korea, from countries all over the world." 

I squinted at the screen, reading what he said translated to my language. _You kidnapped us, you fucker._

"You all will now join my empire. You will be trained to become assassins. You _will_ do whatever I say. You are my children and I am your Appa. You will refer to me as such."

I cringed internally at that _._ I knew what 'appa' meant. He must be a creep if he expects us to call him that. 

"You _will_ obey me or face the consequences.... And trust me, you do not want to face the consequences. Anyone with complaints against this, speak up now." He grinned. It was so terrifying, it was like he wanted one of us to defy him. This entire situation is terrifying. It took me a minute to process all of this. 

_We're in South Korea? I mean, I always wanted to travel here, but under different circumstances. And assassins? They're going to train us? What the actual fuck? I don't want to kill people! I don't want to hurt anyone... I-_

The voice of one of the girls at the front of the 14-year old group cut through my little inner mini-breakdown. She stepped forward a little bit. 

"A-appa... I d-don't want to. I don’t w-want this," she spoke in her native tongue, voice trembling. Appa stared at her for a minute. He grinned then chuckled darkly. He replied back in her language. 

"Mm. I don't care."

Just then, one of the young women in front of the platform whipped out a blade from behind them and swung in one quick movement. I barely registered what just happened until I heard a body hit the floor and screams fill the room. My face contorted into one of fear, horror, and disgust. That little girl's head rolled in front of the feet of her murderer. Despite the screams, Appa could be heard cackling in the background.

I was frozen to my spot. My eyes trailed the rapidly growing pool of blood to her headless body. It was a clean cut; her severed spinal column and the teared muscles of her neck could be seen clearly. 

My head was spinning, the room was spinning. The thoughts came flooding in, one after another.

O _h my god._

_There's so much blood. There's so much._

_Why is he laughing?_

_This is just some sick game to him._

_She was just a little girl._

_How could someone be so cruel?_

_He's a monster._

_I don't want to be here._

The little girl's killer picked up her head by her hair and handed it to Appa, blood dripping, tendons hanging and all. Appa gladly accepted the head and held it close to his face. He observed her features, stared into those dim eyes before turning it and holding it up by the hair for all of us to see. Most of us shied away from the sight.

I closed my eyes and turned my head to the side. I couldn’t look at that girl that was breathing only seconds ago and see only a pair of blank eyes. I just couldn’t. It was sick that this deranged man had her killed for a display of power. Had her killed so we’d know that this will happen to us if we disappoint him. I want nothing to do with him, but what am I supposed to do? It’s either ‘obey like a good dog’ or ‘resist and die’.

"Anyone else have something to say?... No? Good, good. This is what happens when you defy me. You all will become trainees. If we find that your progress is unsatisfactory, we'll make you do something else, something... _unpleasant_. You will be whipped into shape and train for a year. After 1 year, you will be tested. If you pass, you will be promoted to junior assassin and go on missions with your seniors, learn the ropes. When you're deemed capable, you will be sent out on your own."

Appa paused for a moment for us to absorb the information. He continued. 

"The people surrounding all of you are your teachers. I'm sure some of you have noticed that you are grouped according to age. Five women and five men will be assigned to each group to oversee your training and living quarters. You _will_ respect them. They report to me on how you all conduct yourselves and your progress so I advise you to be on your best behavior and not to slack." 

Appa smiled at us. It was obvious he was going to say something that further inflates his ego. 

"Because Appa is so generous and cares about his children, Appa will give you the rest of the day to settle in. Training begins tomorrow. Dismissed."

The ten instructors for my age group led all of us to where we'll be living from now on, the other groups and their instructors doing the same. They led us up many flights of stairs to the top floor of the building. It was exhausting, especially with our bags and other belongings. When we arrived, there was a lobby that was large enough to accommodate all of us and more. The walls were lined with windows, and there were couches, chairs, small tables, and other furnishings all around. Corridors led to where I assume our rooms were.

The instructors told us to sit down, either on the furniture or floor. I sat on the closest chair, setting my bag down in front of my feet. My shoulder ached from carrying it for so long. It hasn't been put down since I got off the plane.

Our instructors began to explain where everything is, repeating the information in several languages so that we could all understand. According to them, each corridor had twelve rooms. Two of the rooms in each corridor was for one female and one male instructor and we could choose our own rooms. Each room was equipped with a bed, a dresser, a nightstand, a closet with multiple sets of our training outfits and sleepwear, and a small bathroom with all the necessary toiletries. The rooms also had a digital clock that was already set for us on the nightstand, a trashcan, a mini fridge stocked with water, and a small pantry filled with Korean snacks and energy bars. The instructor rooms will always be the ones closest to the entrances of the corridors. 

They told us about the underground floors. The first one, B1, is where we'll be training. It was where sparring, weapons training, gun training, and other combative training took place. The second one, B2, is the control center. Assignment of missions and meetings were held there. There were other underground floors but the instructors didn't go into detail about them. There are four elevators, two on both sides of the lobby staircase, that we can we take to any floor, except B2 and the other underground floors beneath it. (Only juniors and seniors had access to these floors.) The floor we were just on, where Appa had spoken to us, was the first floor. It had the kitchen and cafeteria there. There was also a closed off space outside if we wanted to eat there. The second floor had several classrooms on it. Floors three through eight were the dorm spaces for each age group. 

Next the instructors told what was expected of us. Every morning, we should be up early in time for breakfast. We freshen up, brush our teeth, wash our face, and change into our training attire. Breakfast begins at 7:30. At 8:00, we head up to the second floor. The two instructors and other kids that we will share a corridor with are now our new group. We will learn various subjects in a classroom together. The instructors will teach us Korean first, before they teach us all kinds of languages. They'll teach what we were supposed to be learning in school before they took us, but only if it's useful for missions or basic knowledge. They'll teach us deductive reasoning, how to treat simple wounds, how to tie and untie different knots, and other stuff that we'll need to know for missions. Lunch is at noon. After lunch, at 12:30, we either head down to B1 or go outside to train. We are given a break at 4:00 to eat snacks. Then we go back to training until 7:30. After training, we shower and get ready for dinner, which starts at 8:00. After dinner, we have the rest of the night off to do as we please. By 11:00, we must be back in our rooms. Then the cycle repeats. Every day is the same routine, over and over again. If we're significantly late for class or training or skip either of them, or if we're not in our rooms by curfew, we are punished. They didn't tell us how we're punished but I doubt it's anything mild. I wouldn't want to find out.

It was surprising that, despite our circumstances, we were treated somewhat reasonably. I expected it to be worse.

After the instructors were finished explaining everything, they told us to go pick our rooms and unpack what we have. I hauled my bag over my shoulder and rushed to the nearest corridor. I chose a room closest to an instructor room. I entered the room, locked the door, and went to sit on the bed.

The sheets were cool to the touch and the bed was soft. The room was average-sized and cozy and it had everything the instructors told us it would. Honestly, it was nicer than my room at home. 

_Home..._

My mood soured when I thought about not being able to go back and no one to go back to. I unpacked to take my mind off it and placed everything I brought where it should be. I found my old MP3 player and earphones in a side pocket of my bag. It was unclear whether we were allowed to keep technology so I hid it in the nightstand by my bed. There was no way I was going to give it up; it held all my favorite songs.

After packing, I laid on my bed and relaxed. It was a lot to take in—a new home, new people, new life. I can't finish high school. I can never see my friends again. They probably think I'm missing or dead in a ditch somewhere. I can never go to college now. Can never grow up and get a job to provide for myself and my parents. Can never get my own apartment or get a furry friend to keep me company. Can never meet someone and fall in love. I can never live my life the way most people do.

A knock on my door brought me out of my consuming thoughts. I was somewhat thankful for it. It brought me from the verge of full-on sobbing. When I opened the door, there was a man and woman knocking on all the doors in our corridor. After all the kids came out and were gathered up, the man and woman stood in front of us, looking at clipboards, flipping through pages, then looking at us. They would occasionally write something down. 

_They seem friendly. I wonder what this is about._

"Hello. My name is Hwa Minjee. I am 24 years old and as you probably figured out, I am one of your teachers. Because of all the cultural differences, as everyone here is from somewhere different, you may address us by just our names. You can just call me Minjee, I don’t like being too formal," the woman introduced herself in Korean, then in ten different languages. It must of been a pain in the ass, translating everything ten times. No one in our group spoke the same language and none of us knew Korean.

The man introduced himself in Korean when she was done. "Hey. My name is Im Dongmin and I am 23. I'm your other teacher. Just call me Dongmin." He proceeded to translate it ten times.

They didn't ask for our names, like they already knew. I assumed that's what was on the clipboards—information about us. Our names, our faces, where we're from and what we speak, and probably some personal information. They started calling out our names, making sure each one of us responds and that we're all here. When that was over, Minjee smiled at us then added:

"Okay, so we already told you where everything is and what to do tomorrow. But if you need anything or have any questions, come to us. You have the rest of today to do what you want. You're free to explore places where you are allowed. Make sure to be in your rooms before 11pm. We come to check that everyone's here every night. Alright, have fun!" 

She waved us off and they left. Our little group scattered. Some went to their rooms and some to the lobby.

_Have fun, she said. How can we have fun? We're being held here against our will and they're literally treating us like this is some summer camp. This whole thing is odd._

Nevertheless, I headed to one of the elevators to check out the first floor and look around. I entered the elevator and pushed the button for the first floor. While I waited, I took a moment to look at all of the buttons. There were two panels. The first panel contained the buttons for B1 and floors one through eight. The second panel had a fingerprint scanner and, beneath it, the buttons for B2 and the rest of the underground floors. Just for the heck of it, I placed my index finger on the scanner. The scanner flashed red under my finger and the small screen above the scanner read 'RESTRICTED ACCESS: DENIED'. That did not surprise me, however, there was something that did. On the screen, my name and picture also appeared. Before placing my finger on the scanner, I knew that it wouldn't work because it wouldn't recognize me. But the thing is, _it did_ , which begs the question of when and how they got my fingerprint to be able to register that information into the system. I never consciously gave my consent for it.

The ding and open doors of the elevator snapped me out of that train of thought. I stepped out to see kids of all ages talking to each other and walking around. Too shy to conversate with anyone that spoke my language, I opted for going to the outside space the instructors told us about to relax. It was fenced off and there was barbed wire at the top so we couldn't climb it, but it was nice to just be outside and breathe in fresh air. Someone called my name and I spun around to see Jaime. It was nice to see a familiar face. He waved me over and patted the seat next to him.

"Hey. How is everything?" I asked.

"It's alright. I was expecting this whole experience to be a living hell," he responded. I gave him a small smile. 

"I was expecting the same thing. Not that I like this whole thing we're in," I waved my hands around in the air, "but I'm glad it's not something worse like being guinea pigs for experimentation or a sex trafficking ring."

He gave a small hum of agreement. After that, we stayed silent watching the clouds until he spoke again. “Do you think we could ever go back? Do you think we could escape this place?"

I mulled over the questions for a couple minutes before answering. "I think we could escape... but not alive." I'd rather not give him false hope. We can't afford to be naive.

Worry crept over us as we realized just how serious our situation is. We sat there, swimming in our thoughts, just feeling the wind breeze over our skin and watching the sky get darker as night approaches. It was comfortable being with him.

He turned to me after a while. "Let's stick together, yeah?"

"Yeah."


	4. First Day

_BEEP!!_

_BEEP!!_

_BEEP!!_

_B-_

_Ugh. Shut up already. I'm up._

The clock read ‘7:00’ in a luminous blue. 

_Too early. I'm going back to sleep._

I shut my eyes for about 5 minutes before willing my body to get out of bed and go to the bathroom. Figured it was much better to get up, get ready, and get something to eat than sit in a class for 4 hours on an empty stomach.

I went straight to the toilet to relieve the pressure on my bladder, then washed my face, brushed my teeth, and quickly showered. After showering, I toweled off and stood in front of the mirror to fix my hair. I went to my dresser butt naked, slipped on my underwear and socks, then rummaged through the closet for my training clothes. They were plain. The tops were loose gray t-shirts and the bottoms were black jogger sweatpants with white stripes running down its sides. The shoes were black athletic sneakers. I put on my clothes and shoes then took the elevator to the first floor for breakfast.

It turns out that we, surprisingly, have cooks. There's a menu with all kinds of breakfast items. You just ask for something off of there and they whip it up for you. It didn't take long for my order of a glass of orange juice, a bowl of oatmeal, and a banana to be served to me. They handed me my food on a tray and I went to go find a seat and eat.

The cafeteria was pretty full. Everyone seemed to have adjusted a little bit and now there were little cliques formed. People from the same country, people with similar interests, or just people who got along well sat with each other at the tables. My only friend was Jaime, but he wasn't here, so I sat alone. 

It's just like high school. The only differences here are the threat of death looming around in every corner and that everything is provided for you.

The clock up on the wall told me there was enough time to savor each bite of my food. The oatmeal was a bit sweet but not excessively. The banana and orange juice tasted like... well, a banana and orange juice. When I finished my meal, I threw away my trash and placed my tray and dishes in the bins next to the trash cans that the cooks would get later to wash.

I took the elevator to the second floor for class. Room 13 was my destination. Last night, when Minjee and Dongmin came to check we were in our rooms by curfew, they told us our classroom number. When I arrived, no one else was there. I chose a desk in the front near the room door. The wait for the rest of the kids to come shuffling in wasn't long. Minjee and Dongmin finally came at the last minute.

Dongmin handed us Korean language books written in the language we know in small characters underneath the hangul. 

_Wow... they really have books customized for us. I wonder how much Appa spent on this. Probably doesn’t matter since he runs this whole thing so I wouldn't put it past him to be filthy rich. This probably didn't even put a dent in his funds._

Minjee gave us pencils to write with. For the next 4 hours, they taught us how to read and write in hangul, Korean sentence structure, and basic Korean phrases. If we didn't understand something, all we had to do was speak up and they would answer our questions.

The time went by fast and it was almost noon. Before the instructors let us leave for lunch, they encouraged that we should also study the language on our own time and told us to meet them back here at 12:30 because we're going outside. Meeting here on the second floor didn't make sense to me if we were going outside. But I didn't question it and supposed it was to make sure we were all accounted for.

Lunch was similar to how breakfast was. There were a menu of choices, empty bins to hold the dirty dishes that would come, and a buzzing cafeteria. The Korean food on the menu looked really good so I ordered kimchi fried rice and bulgogi. The picture of it up on the menu was mouth-watering.

After a short wait, I received my food and looked for a spot to sit down. Fortunately, I didn't have to look like a loner this time because Jaime was sitting alone, stuffing his face. I went over to sit across from him. He didn't notice me there because he had his head down, shoving white rice in his mouth. When he finally looked up and saw me, he smiled, his cheeks adorably puffed out like a chipmunk.

"Hey!"

He rushed to chew and swallow his food. With how fast he was going, I was worried he was going to choke. And he did, sputtering out some of the rice. It was kinda gross but kinda endearing at the same time. He took a sip of water before replying, "Hi!!"

"You good?" I took a bite of my food.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm good," he assured.

"Good. The food here is pretty good, huh. My school's food was really awful."

"Yeah. The food is delicious and there's lots to choose from! My school's food was shit. Tasted like it too."

I cocked my head to the side in curiosity, a smile plastered on my face. "How do you know what shit tastes like?"

He leaned in with a finger to his lips then half-whispered half-spoke, "Shh. It's a secret. A story for another time."

I quirked my eyebrow at that then burst out laughing. A genuine laugh, it felt good. I haven't had a good laugh in a while, and with everything going on, the stress was building up. He laughed with me and we spent about a minute just laughing. "I don't think I wanna know anymore," I giggled.

He barked out a laugh and picked up his fork to take another bite.

"Hey, so after lunch, are your instructors taking your group outside?"

"Mhm," Jaime hummed while chewing.

"Same for me. What are they like? How do they treat you?"

"Too early to tell. I can see they care about us, but they kind of act indifferent towards us."

"Like a tsundere character?" 

"Yeah!" He chuckled, "Like that! How are your instructors?" 

"They're pretty nice and easy-going." I looked over at the clock. "Crap, we don't have much time left."

We ate quickly and put our trash in the trash cans and dishes in the bins. We took the elevator up to the second floor together, said our goodbyes, and went off to our respective classrooms.

This time, I came last but was on time. My group was waiting outside the room door.

"Glad you could join us," Dongmin chirped.

I nodded. I figure now is as good a time as any to voice my concerns. "Dongmin, why are we meeting on the second floor if we're going outside?"

"Oh. Surprise, there's a test!" Apparently I’m not the only one who didn’t know, as everyone in my group whipped their head in Dongmin’s direction.

"What kind of test?" I probed, a trace of nervousness in my voice. I was not at all prepared for this.

Minjee jumped in the conversation. "You'll just have to wait and see! Alright, let's go!"

They led us down the hall, past other classrooms, to clear glass double doors. Out the doors, there was a large, shaded ledge with a small couch and table off to the side. The ledge had railings on both sides but not at the front. We walked out to the ledge.

"Look down," Dongmin instructed. We all looked, most of us from the safety of the railings, and a brave few of us from over the edge. Below us, there was a medium-sized inflatable stunt air bag.

"You're going to jump," Minjee disclosed. I snapped my head over to look at her in disbelief. She simply nodded. The other kids were looking at each other in shock, their eyes wide. I'm sure I had a similar expression on my face.

"What? W-why?" I stuttered.

"It's the test. We gotta see if you got guts, kid. I'm not gonna lie, this training regimen will be intense. We're going easy on you today, though. Just exercise and some running to get you guys in shape." Minjee pointed at the enormous grassy field across from us. There was an oval running track on the outer edge of it and there were obstacle courses in the center. Other groups were out there too.

"So you want us to jump off the _second floor_ of this building?

"Yes," Dongmin chimed in.

"What if we don't want to?"

"Then we'll just push you off," Dongmin said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "We'll come up here every day and you'll be pushed off until you're able to jump off on your own."

"What if we don't land on the air bag?"

"Then you'll suffer some bruises and break one or two bones, at most. You'll be fine," Minjee answered, making light of the situation.

I blinked once then twice. 

_What? The fuck?? This is crazy! I take it back! Y'all aren't nice! You're out of your goddamn minds!_

"Listen. If you do it today, you won't ever have to do it again," Dongmin adds.

Since there was nothing that could be done to get myself out of this, I tried to steel myself and offered to jump first if Dongmin went first (which he wasn't even fazed by; he was probably gonna do it anyways). If I waited any longer, I would lose my nerve and back out.

Dongmin walked me to the edge of the ledge. He turned to us and grinned and waved before stepping off backwards. I watched him fall and it looked like he was having... fun.

 _Okay, okay. I can do this. I can definitely do this. It can't be that bad._ I was psyching myself up, trying to summon courage from within. As soon as Dongmin got off the air bag, I closed my eyes and jumped. 

_Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh f–_ I landed on the inflatable and released the breath I didn't even realize I was holding. It felt like minutes had passed when I was in the air, even though it was only a couple of seconds. I slid off the side of the inflatable and stood by Dongmin, both of us looking up at the ledge. The other kids were deciding the order of who goes amongst themselves.

Dongmin lightly jabbed me with his elbow. "See that wasn't so bad, huh?" 

"Haha… yeah...” _No!_

We watched the remaining kids come down one by one until Minjee was the only one left. She struck a cute V-sign pose mid-air. 

When everyone was on the ground, the instructors led us to the grassy part of the field. First, we did stretches to loosen up our bodies and prevent pulling a muscle. Next, they made us do 200 jumping jacks, 100 squats, 200 push-ups, 200 sit ups, and 100 lunges. After that, we ran 20 laps around the outer lanes of the track. At 4 o'clock, Minjee brought out a box of snacks and the instructors gave us a break to catch our breaths, eat, and hydrate. Then we were back at it again. We went through 5 complex obstacle courses requiring weaving, jumping, rolling, dodging, running, and crawling. Every time we missed something or didn't do it properly, we had to start over from the beginning. 

_Minjee is a liar. Easy, my ass._

7:30 finally rolled around. Exhaustion settled in my bones. I wanted to curl up and die on the spot. My muscles burned and my body throbbed and ached _everywhere_. There was an odor that was a mix between grass, dirt, and sweat coming from my body. I was in dire need of a shower. Physical work was never my thing. The only exercise I really ever got was when I walked to the kitchen for food or danced to my favorite songs in my bedroom and bathroom. I was so relieved when training was over.

We went inside and took the elevator to go up to our floor. As soon as I stepped foot in the lobby, I went straight to my room for a shower. I turned the knob for cold water to help me cool down, then to warm water to help soothe the soreness. I stayed under the spray for 15 minutes, unwinding. After that, I took out my pajamas. It was really just an oversized white t-shirt, underwear and socks. Some habits never die. They provided sleepwear here but my own clothes were familiar and much more comfortable. I put on the underwear and socks and laid the shirt on my bed. I threw on some sweats and a purple hoodie and went to the first floor for dinner. 

Dinner was different from breakfast and lunch. We didn't have only half an hour to eat; we could stay until curfew. The menu concept was similar—a variety of food items—but there was also a 'Special of the Day' that most kids ordered. Today's was bibimbap. I met up with Jaime and we ordered the special. I've eaten this before but Jaime hasn't. He only ordered it because I assured him it was delicious. When he took his first bite, I could've sworn I saw heart eyes. 

After we finished our meals, we headed up to Jaime's floor to hang out in the lobby and chill. We got to know each other better. We talked about all kinds of things—from our families, our lives before, and our childhoods to hobbies, favorite colors, anime, music, and everything else in between. It was fun and interesting to learn about someone else's life. We were really becoming closer as friends.

At quarter to 11, we said our 'good night's and 'see you tomorrow's. I went up to the floor above to my room to change into my white shirt and waited for either Minjee or Dongmin to check I was here before curfew. There was a knock not too long after and I opened the door to see Minjee. We said good night and I closed the door, climbed under my bed sheets, and retired for the night.


	5. Progress

It was the same first-day routine every day for the first 6 weeks. Breakfast, class, lunch, outdoor training, dinner. After 6 weeks, instead of outdoor training, the instructors brought us down to B1. The instructors introduced us several hand-to-hand combat and weapon techniques—kung fu, kobudo, gungsol, jiujutsu, taekwondo, krav maga, aikido, hapkido, and judo among others. They also taught us manipulation, observation, improvisation, and espionage. 

Classes and training were fast-paced but somehow I was able to persevere. However, there were some kids that weren't able to. If you were doing well in class but not as well in training, then you were switched to learning medicine in the lab, weapons production, or telecommunications and hacking. If you didn't show much progress in both areas, Appa found some awful way to put you to better use. 

The first time Appa actually "put someone to better use" was frightening. I was practicing kicks with a punching dummy when a tall, brawny woman bust through the door. Everyone turned to look at her as she walked to the center of the room and stopped in front of a young boy. Most of us knew the boy and were fond of him but we also knew that he was doing poorly. She grabbed his arm without saying anything and dragged him out of the room with little difficulty, even when the boy was thrashing around and crying and begging. The next day, we heard he was taken to one of Appa's whorehouses to be taken advantage of by child predators and profited from. It was awful to witness and hear about it, but it made me more determined to do well. I didn't want to end up like him; he was the first to be taken and he wasn't going to be the last.

After half a year, I was much more fluent in quite a few languages and was able to hold a conversation with my peers. I was closer with the other kids too. From all the time we spent together, I was able to form bonds and build friendships with the others, especially with Jaime. He became my best friend and was like a younger brother to me, a sibling that I never had before. We look out for each other. 

In those few months, I also did exceptionally well in training, which was surprising to me. When I first started out, I struggled and was better at the intelligence aspect of training than the fighting aspect but I quickly developed. The instructors were impressed at how much I improved and I earned the respect of the younger kids and the kids my age. I grew a bit of a reputation as one of the top trainees. 

What I didn't know before was that Appa plays favorites with the trainees, especially the prospering ones like me. And I had caught his attention. He came in one day to see how everyone was coming along. I was in the middle of a match with one of the other top kids. We were both skilled to an extent so the match had already dragged on for a few minutes. The kid threw a kick at me when they saw me approaching closer to land a punch. I faked out and while their leg was still in the air, I shifted behind them and put them in a choke hold until they yielded. It felt amazing to be able to beat one of the other top trainees but the feeling was gone when I felt someone was watching me intensely. I turned around to see Appa with a grin on his face. I didn't know if it was good or bad that his attention was trained on me. On one hand, I could use this to get close to him, to get revenge against the man who ordered a hit on my parents and took me away. How ironic it would be if I—one of the children he took in and trained—was his downfall. On the other hand, now Appa—a very dangerous, very threatening man that I didn't know much about—has me in his sights. It made me shrink back a little, made me feel like a wounded animal that would do anything for survival.

Almost an entire year has passed since this whole thing began, eleven and a half months to be precise. I, and all the other remaining trainees, absorbed the information taught in the classes quickly. We didn't need them anymore. I was near-fluent in Korean, French, Japanese, German, Russian, and more. I still self-studied, though, because I wanted to learn more. I knew where every country in the world was and who their important government figures were. I was proficient in numerous subjects, including mathematics, science, and economics. It was amazing to know that I really learned and retained all this knowledge.

In training, my skills in weapon control and in combat weren't far from perfect. Completing all the obstacle courses is more than an easy feat now; I hardly break a sweat. I can read people like a book now, too. I can tell when someone is lying, nervous, bitter, or scared. I can take on different personas, put on convincing acts. I can lift someone twice my weight. I'm able to spar with the instructors now and hold my ground. I've even beaten Dongmin before, granted he was going easy. I've come so far _._ I am stronger, faster, smarter, braver, more agile, more flexible, more intuitive. It's exhilarating. I'm good— _great—_ at so many things and I like it. _I feel powerful._

Minjee and Dongmin told us they're proud of us. It meant so much hearing them say that. They warned us that the test is approaching, too, and to brace ourselves. Just how bad could the test really be? I would obviously pass and Jaime will be there right by my side, acing it too.

After all these months, my thoughts never wandered to what would happen when the one year was up. I pushed it to the back of my mind because I didn't want to think about why I'm learning all of this in the first place. 

But now… now it’s what I think about the most. I am here to take a life, to take many lives, and ruin many more. All this power at my fingertips isn't mine. I'm expected to comply with Appa's demands and do awful things to people, innocent or not.

I don't have a choice.


	6. Happy Birthday

Today is my 18th birthday. It's weird having to spend it without my family and friends. Normally we would go out to eat at a restaurant but there's nothing normal about how I live now.

I woke up a couple minutes before the alarm went off. I did my morning routine then headed downstairs for breakfast. Jaime was already down there waiting for me and we ordered breakfast together. While we waited for it, we talked.

"Good morning," I smiled.

"Good morning. Happy birthday!"

"Thank you!"

"Last night was pretty fun. Did you enjoy it?"

"Yup! We should do that again sometime."

Last night during dinner, I told Jaime that it would be my birthday tomorrow. He sang the birthday song to me and wished me a happy birthday. We don't celebrate birthdays here but I wanted to do something, so after dinner, we went up to the lobby on his floor and indulged ourselves with sweet Korean snacks as a substitute for cake. We had a good time, just laughing, telling jokes and stories, and talking about random things. A little later into the night, we invited some kids to play Charades with us, then Truth or Dare. The dares were ridiculous—things like licking the wall, imitating our instructors, doing funny impressions, and making a human pyramid.

"Yeah we should! It was like a game night!" He put on a silly smirk. "Should I sing you the birthday song again?"

"Nope," I chuckled, "one time was enough." 

When he sang the song yesterday, he sang—or more accurately, squawked—in different pitches and accents. It was funny but it was probably the most horrific thing I've ever heard.

By then, our breakfast was ready and we took our food over to an empty table to eat.

"So what do you want to do today?" he asked. 

Since we no longer attended classes anymore, everyone had permission to do whatever they wanted for the four and a half hours between breakfast and lunch. There were a few things we could do. Some of the trainees go to the field to exercise or run through the obstacle courses. Others go down to B1 to train, spar, or go to the shooting ranges. Or we could just chill in our rooms or the lobbies. 

"Mm... Do you want to race on the courses? See who's faster? Then maybe we could spar. That would work up an appetite,” I answered.

"Okay. I'm down for anything. Don't complain to me when you lose though." He shrugged.

"Pfft, you think you'll win? That's funny."

"What's funny will be your face when I'm victorious."

"Alright. Watch me prove you wrong. Let's go."

We finish up eating and head out to the field. We went through the obstacle courses many times. Out of 40 runs, there were 8 ties and I won, surprise surprise, 17 runs. Jaime won 15.

I cupped my ear with my hand. "So... what was that about losing? The only loser I see here is you."

"Whatever. I let you win that last one 'cause it's your birthday."

"Nope. Don't pull the birthday card, Jaime. You're being a sore loser. Just admit defeat."

I stood there, arms crossed with a smirk on my face, watching Jaime mull over whether he should do it. He soon signed in resignation. 

"Fine. You won and I lost." He squinted at me. "Don't let it get to your head."

I stifled a laugh behind my hand. "I won't! Come on, let's spar!"

Jaime and I went back into the building, to the elevator to go down to B1. We sat on the mats for a bit to rest before we sparred. When we were ready, we took off our shoes and got into position. Though he isn't one of the top trainees, Jaime is pretty close to it. We were both exceptional fighters that wouldn't back down, not even if we considered each other as family. By the looks of it, we were evenly matched and maybe I did pull my punches a little but Jaime was skilled in combat. We fought several matches and tied in only in a couple. I wasn't keeping count of how many but it seemed each time I won one, he won the next, then me, then him, and so on. We grew weary soon enough, our limbs heavy. 

"Last one, yeah?" I panted out.

"Yeah," Jaime huffed.

"Ready?”

"Yeah," he grunted out as he whipped his leg in my direction. I caught his ankle and tugged on it. Jaime wobbled for a moment before regaining his balance and yanking his leg back to loosen my grip, planting his foot back on the mat. Before he could make another move, I darted forward and pretended to throw a punch at him and while his focus was on my fist, I headbutted his chin. He stumbled back, rubbed his chin, and gave me a ' _seriously?_ ' look. I just shrugged and braced myself for the inevitable next attack. He charged forward and slammed his body into mine, hauling me over his shoulder and hurling me onto the mat, hard. I got up, rubbing the arm I landed on and then we exchanged several blows after that, most of his landing on my shoulders and stomach and most of mine hitting his chest and sides. When Jaime found the opportunity, he swept my leg, causing me to fall over, and straddled my waist with a cocky grin and a flick to my forehead. A little annoyed, I jabbed him in the neck, harder than I intended. Jaime fell over, hand coming up to clutch his neck. I immediately sat up and rushed to move next to him.

"Shit, shit! Are you okay?!" I panicked.

"Yeah," he coughed out, "just peachy."

"Sorry! I really didn't mean to do it that hard. I am. So. Sorry."

"It's okay, really," he rasped, holding out a shaky thumbs up.

I pulled him up to his feet and we stood there for a few moments, panting, catching our breaths. I fell over all of the sudden, quickly realizing Jaime just side kicked me to the floor.

"Payback," he said.

"Seriously?" I looked up at him.

"Seriously."

"Weren't you hurt just a minute ago?" 

"Yes, I was. That shit hurted," I rolled my eyes, ignoring his vine reference, "but I'm better now. Really."

"So you're good?"

He hummed his agreement.

"Okay... good. So do you wanna finish the match or...?"

"Yeah, come on. Up."

I got on my feet again. We took our fighting stances and continued. I dodged the elbow Jaime hurled at my face and then he went in for a right hook. I caught his fist before it could make contact with my jaw and twisted his arm behind his back. Fighting to get out of my grip, Jaime threw me over his shoulder and straddled my waist again. He grinned, proud that he got the advantage over me again, but that grin was wiped off when I brought my legs up, locked them over his chest, and abruptly pulled them, along with Jaime, down to the mat. Both of us jumped to our feet after separating. I threw a hook to his side but Jaime stopped it from making contact and launched another attack. I recognized what he was going to do in the midst of his movement, so I went to grab at him, but I hesitated. Jaime popped up behind me and put me in a sleeper hold. As I struggled to break free from the hold, I got lightheaded quickly from the lack of oxygen. When I couldn't take it anymore, I tapped Jaime's arm. He released me from the hold and I doubled over, gasping and taking in mouthfuls of air. When I finally caught my breath, I looked up to see Jaime glaring at me.

"You knew what I was about to do and was going to act, but you hesitated, didn't you?"

"No..." I lied, eyes shifting to look anywhere but him.

Jaime stared at me more intensely. “I literally saw you hesitate.”

"Then don’t ask if you already know! Yeah, I hesitated. I didn’t mean to, but I did.”

He pouted. "And the other matches?"

"… Maybe I went a little, teensy, tiny bit easy on you. It was a good fight, though! I honestly worked up a sweat," I said, sheepishly.

"Ugh, you can’t do that! The next time we spar, go all out! I won't get any better if my opponent isn't giving it their all," Jaime whined.

"Okay," I drew out the word, "but don't complain to me when I kick your ass."

He huffed, "We'll see about that."

"Anyways," I changed the subject, "I'm hungry, you must be hungry, and it's almost lunch time, so let's go eat."

Jaime and I put on our shoes and took the elevator to the first floor. We walked to the cafeteria to order some food, Jaime lagging behind a bit from slight exhaustion. On our way there, I heard a loud _thump_ behind me and turned around to see Jaime sprawled on the floor. I immediately rushed to him and crouched down.

"Jaime!" I shook his shoulder. He was breathing normally, but not moving. "Jaime?! Jaime, what's wrong?! Come on, wake u–"

Something struck the back of my head and I fell to the floor beside Jaime. 

The last thing I saw before blacking out was Dongmin.


	7. Caged Animal

When I regained consciousness, the first thing I noticed was the throbbing pain at the back of my head. The second thing was that I was laying on the hard, cold ground. Even with my eyes still closed, I could tell that there was a bright light on above me. My observation was confirmed when I tried to open my eyes, only to squeeze them shut when the light aggravated the throbbing even more. I groaned in pain and carefully turned my head to the side. I opened my eyes again and saw Jaime laying on the ground a few feet away from me. 

The nausea made itself known as I slowly sat up. I crawled over to Jaime and gently shook his arm a few times to wake him up. Relief washed over me when I saw his eyelids fluttering. While I waited for him to fully wake, I took in my surroundings and where we were. Everything was cast in darkness, the only light coming from the high ceiling of the... cage. _We're in a fucking cage... What the fuck?_

In one far corner of the cage, there was an open trunk but I couldn't see its contents from where I was sitting. The bright light illuminated the perimeter of the cage by a few feet. I could make out a pair of legs just beyond the light’s reach. One leg was crossed over the other, and hands were placed on top of a knee. One of the hands were twirling a ring on the finger of its counterpart, the ring glinting from the light. The rest of the ominous figure was shrouded in darkness.

My attention went back to Jaime when he sat up, wincing. He scanned his surroundings, then looked at me with confusion and fear in his eyes. 

"Where are we? Why are we in a giant cage?" He murmured.

"I don't know," I replied.

"Who is that?" He eyed the figure in the darkness, deathly still except for the hand twirling the ring around its finger.

"I don't know."

As if on cue, the figure stood up and fully stepped into the light outside of the cage. The figure, clad in a navy pinstripe suit, was Appa. The man stood a couple feet away in front of us, an aura of power radiating off of him. He grinned wolfishly and his eyes were filled with anticipation with a hint of malice. It gave me a really bad feeling.

"I'm sure you have questions, my dear children," Appa took a step closer, "and I have answers."

I stared at Appa, waiting for him to continue, but his gaze was trained on Jaime. Jaime looked as if he wanted to say something, but he just sat there, eyes on Appa, mouth slightly parted, but no words coming out, like his tongue was paralyzed.

"Where are we?" I spoke on his behalf.

Appa turned his attention to me. "The torture chamber."

Jaime's breath hitched beside me.

"What are you going to do to us?" My heart started beating faster.

It was this question that made the malice in Appa's eyes burn brighter. It sent shivers down my spine. He fell silent, rounding the cage till he stood at the corner with the open trunk. He sent a look at us, a look that says _Come here._ There was no need for words.

Jaime and I stood up for the first time since we woke up, and moved near the trunk. As we drew closer, I took time to really look around. I couldn't see beyond where it was lit up but I could tell the room we were in was spacious. The ground had a slight slope toward the center of the cage, where there was a drain. As we walked past it, I noticed there were light brown stains on the ground, most likely dried blood that couldn't be washed away completely. The bars of the cage and the ground had claw marks—both animal and human.

When we reached the trunk, we peered inside it. There were all types of weapons, ranging from nun chucks to axes. Almost all close-range weapons. No guns or explosives. There was confusion written all over our faces and Appa cleared it up with a single sentence:

"It is not what I'm going to do to you, my children, but what you are going to do to each other."

A few seconds passed and the confusion was replaced with understanding and dread.

"Ah... there it is," Appa leered. "It's starting to click now, hmm. When I first brought you all here, I wanted you to bond with each other. As humans, it's in our nature to want to make a connection with someone, isn't it? To form a relationship, nurture it, and maintain it. But it also hurts to have it ripped away from you. Some times are more painful than others. It depends on how much you care for that person. Or if you are the cause of it. Or if you were betrayed... I've been watching all of you, all my children. You all made a friend, some even have lovers. But even the closest people betray one another if they want something bad enough." Appa made his way back to where he was sitting. "I said it before, didn't I? That there was going to be a test. Well, surprise surprise, this is it." The man stopped talking and didn't continue until he was seated. "Break that connection with the one closest to your heart. Kill them."

The word _kill_ was rolling in my mind. _Kill kill kill k–_ It was all I could think about until I couldn't. I couldn't do it. Jaime's all I have left. When I looked at Jaime, he was looking right back at me, somewhat determined. I think we were thinking the same thing. There's no way in hell we're doing this. 

"Oh. I forgot to mention, if you don't kill the other, I'll kill you both," Appa voiced.

The look in Jaime's eyes faltered. He slowly reached for twin blades, each about as long as my forearm. Maybe we weren't thinking the same thing...

"Jaime, what...?" He ignored me, and picked up the blades. He held them towards the ground and moved backwards to the other side of the cage.

"What are you doing?" Tears were building up.

"I don't– he said he'll kill us both. Isn't it better for at least one of us to come out of this alive?"

"So what? You'd kill me because of that?!"

"I don't want to! But what choice do we have? It's me or you!"

"Me or you...?" The tears were falling now. "We can find another way. There's always another way," I pleaded. 

"Not this time... I- I want to live. We're here, alive now, but what we're doing isn't living! It's surviving. I just want to be free," Jaime said the last part quietly. Everyone in the room could hear it, though. It was hard not to.

"Me too... Believe me, I do, but–"

"Tell you what," Appa interrupted, his voice impatient, "whoever cuts the other down wins their freedom." 

My stomach flipped a bit hearing that. As badly as I wanted to get out of here, I still wouldn’t do it. I really do believe there is another way. The opportunity just hasn’t presented itself yet. However, Jaime's grip on the blades tightened.

"Jaime, no. Do not listen to that man! He's lying, he has to be! Think about this rationally. With what we know, we could take it to the authorities. There’s no way he’d just let us go scot-free. He’d probably just send someone after us to kill us!"

"What if he isn’t lying, huh?! He runs this place, he could let us go! Let one of us go."

"Are you willing to kill me for freedom that isn’t even guaranteed? You'll live the rest of your life—if he even makes good on his promise—with regret hanging over your head. Does our time together mean nothing to you?"

" _Don't_ ," he clenched his jaw, "You know it means everything. You helped me get over my parents’ death. It was you that made me feel a little less lonely." Jaime was crying now. "But this offer is hard to refuse. We have freedom at our fingertips, a chance. I have a chance to live out the rest of my life the way _I_ want. To find love, have a family. Do all things I've wanted to do. Whether I live or die after this, I want to fight for that chance and I want you to fight for it, too."

"I know it’s hard, Jaime, but I would never go through with it. I could never intentionally hurt you. You mean too much to me, you're all I have left. I understand how you feel, wanting to be able to have all these experiences, and I feel the same way, but try to understand from my point of view."

"I do... I do understand."

"And you still want to do this?"

Jaime raised up his blades and got in a fighting stance. I sighed and reached into the trunk to take the weapon that looks the least threatening. A bo staff. Though it doesn't look like much, we were all thoroughly trained on how to use it. We understood what its capabilities were. But I chose it because it has no sharp edges. I don't want any accidents to happen. While we were talking, I came up with a plan, and I really need Jamie to follow through with it if it's going to work.

I walked over to Jamie slowly. The tears stopped, but my voice was still wet with emotion. "You know I'm going to defend myself, right? Fight to stay alive. I won't just sit back and let you kill me."

"I know. Remember what I said last time about going all out. Don't hold back."

"Jaime... this isn't like the sparring matches. I don't intend to go down easy," I stopped in front of Jaime, then lowered my voice so only he could hear, "and you won't be going down, either."

At this, Jamie's eyes widened, surprised. I smiled small, so he understood I'm not a threat. The cage was massive and Appa was sitting pretty far way at an angle. I'm sure he couldn't see me talking, my lips barely moving. It must have looked like we're just staring at each other. Which was suspicious so I need to make this quick.

"I have a plan. Are you willing to listen?" I whispered. Jaime nodded, a miniscule gesture, barely noticeable unless you were close to see it.

"Act. We'll fight like we're sparring. We'll inflict minor wounds to each other up until the finale where you kill me. Make it believable. When he comes into the cage for the winner, we'll charge him together. We'll figure out how to escape when that time comes. 'Kay?"

Another nod.

Without warning, Jaime lunged at me and I moved out the way as quickly as I could. His blade cut my cheek. The wound wasn't deep and there was little blood. The show has begun.

We fought for what felt like hours, giving it our all to look convincing. There was no holding back with Appa watching. Jaime swung his blades at me, each careful but strong attack either blocked with the staff or dodged. The swings that managed to strike me made relatively small to medium cuts. It didn’t deter me. I charged back with my bo staff, skillfully maneuvering it to deliver powerful whacks to Jaime. It went back and forth like that, dodging and blocking and inflicting heavy blows. Pained grunts and pants of fatigue unending.

At one point, our fight made its way towards the bars of the cage. I whipped my bo staff straight for Jaime’s face but I hesitated before it made contact and lost my footing from the force of the swing, back slamming into the bars. That mishap saved my life because, right at that moment, Jaime had lunge forward with one of the blades. The blade embedded itself into the bars of the cage and took off a few strands of my hair instead of lopping the top of my head off. Jaime froze, a hint of worry on his face. I pretended not to notice to avoid tipping Appa off and continued with the fight.

The struggle went on for a few more minutes. Jaime managed to disarm me and he set the blades down to fight fairly, hand-to-hand. We stared each other down first, catching our breaths. I gave Jaime a look, signaling that we should end this soon. We exchanged blow after blow after that, sweat making our shirts stick to our skin, until Jaime ‘played dirty’, picking up the blades and darting forward, colliding into me.

Jaime's body pressed to mine, like we were hugging. Really, the blades were in between us and Jaime was cutting shallow wounds into my side and chest, pretending to stab me. It stung. The wounds were non-threatening but with the amount of blood staining my shirt, it would be hard for Appa to tell how deep they really were.

Jaime obscured my body in a way that Appa could only see my face and his back. Tears rolled down my cheeks and pain was etched into my features. My hands gripped his shirt tightly. The blades weren't visible. Perfect.

Jaime made a jerking movement, like he was pulling the blades out. I grunted and took in a shuddering breath to sell it. I loosened my grip on his shirt like I was losing strength in my limbs. Then I slowed my breathing as best as I could and went weak in the knees. 

Jamie slowly knelt to the ground, supporting my weight, and laid me down gently. I closed my eyes just enough that I could still see, but they appeared to be closed. His back was still to Appa and his body was only obscuring my torso so he dropped the blades in front of him, near my hand, and leaned over to cry over my body.

"I'm sorry," Jaime sobbed, "I'm so sorry."

The room was silent, save for Jaime's cries. I strained my ears for Appa's footsteps and when he was close, I stopped breathing altogether.

The man was reaching to put a hand on Jaime's shoulder when Jaime turned around quickly and slashed his bicep with one of the blades. Appa stumbled back and I got up just as quick, the other blade in hand, ready to attack. 

We charged Appa together, but we underestimated his strength. Jaime was fully intending to lodge his blade into the man but Appa turned it back on him and Jaime fell to the ground with a shrill cry.

I couldn't see what happened, didn't even have the chance to turn around because Appa grabbed both of my wrists as soon as Jaime fell and broke them. I cried out in agony. He released my hands with so much force that I fell to the ground on them harshly and cried out again. Appa stormed out and left us in the cage.

I heard choking sounds beside me and moved to sit up, careful to not put pressure on my hands. Jaime was...

Jaime was dying.

The blade went through one side of his neck and stuck out from the other side, blood flowing out profusely. His eyes were threatening to close for good and his breathing was ragged and weak. This injury was fatal. There was nothing that could be done.

"No... no, please. Jaime... no, stay with me... please. I'm sorry... this is all my fault. I'm so sorry." 

This time the sobs weren't fake. It wasn't an act to save our asses. The hurt was genuine, real, suffocating. Jaime shook his head with what little strength he had left. _It's not your fault._

When he opened his mouth to speak, he coughed up blood. He blinked, a single tear running down his face to his ear. He mouthed the words _thank you_ before eyes fluttered shut and his body stilled.

I cried until I couldn't cry anymore. And when I couldn't cry anymore, I rested my head on Jaime's body and let my thoughts consume me. Tear me apart from the inside. I don't know how long it was before two people came to drag me out the cage. To drag me away from him. 

In the end, Appa got what he wanted. A broken bond. A broken heart. I blamed myself for Jaime's death.

I killed my best friend.


	8. Teetering

I slowly opened my eyes to bright lights above me once again. I panicked, thinking I was still in the cage but a quick look around told me I was in the clinic, laying on a bed. I guess I blacked out from the pain and all the crying. I hoped so badly that it was just a nightmare, but really, it was a bad memory. Jaime really was dead. I couldn't save him.

I looked down at myself, at my hands. I wriggled my fingers, eyeing the blue wrist casts. I pushed up my shirt to see three bandages. I hoped the cuts scarred. I deserved at least that to remember what I did to Jaime. I set us up to fail. Appa was strong and experienced. I should've known better.

Oddly enough, though, one of the bandages were at the side of my hip, somewhere Jaime didn't cut. I chalked it up to getting hurt sometime during the charge and not feeling it due to adrenaline.

Lost in my thoughts, I gazed up at the ceiling. _Why was I spared anyway? Why didn't Appa kill me after he plunged the blade into Jaime's neck? Why go through the trouble of putting casts on my wrists to heal if I betrayed him?_

The few minutes that passed since I woke up was the calm before the storm. The storm raged when I finally noticed Dongmin sitting by my bedside, hunched over, quiet as a mouse. I remembered that he was the last face I saw before the test and I knew it was because he was the one that knocked Jaime and I out.

I pounced on Dongmin and, before he could react, formed a fist as best as I could to punch him in the face. It hurt like hell and probably made my broken wrist worse, but I got a bit of satisfaction from his pained wince and the bruise blooming on his cheek. I tried to get off the bed quickly to attack him, but he held me down before I could even get one foot on the ground.

"I deserved that." He sounded... remorseful?

"You deserve worse," I gritted out, trying to push back.

"You're right. I do," he sighed.

He let me go to sit back down. I tried to get up again, but Dongmin put a hand on my shoulder and gently pushed me to lay back down.

"Don't," he urged. "Don't try to get up. Your wounds might reopen and I'm sure your hand and wrist must be hurting from that punch earlier. I know I don't have the right to ask, but are you okay?"

I ignored his question, in favor of asking "How long was I out for?"

"3 hours."

I took a deep breath. Tried to stay strong. Asked "why?"

I'm not asking why I was unconscious, no. I'm asking why Dongmin, someone I put my trust in, hit Jaime and I over the head to be taken to that dreadful death room. I think Dongmin knew what exactly I was asking for because he looked reluctant to answer. Even if he wasn't sure, my teary eyes were a dead giveaway. When he stayed quiet for too long, I pressed for it. I needed to know.

"I was ordered to. No one dares to go against Appa's orders unless they want to be punished. This doesn't justify what I did to you and Jaime and you can hate me as much as you want for it, but I do regret it." He hung his head low. "Every time I regret it."

"Every time?"

"It wasn't just you two I knocked out. There were a few other trainees, too. All the kids that Appa brings in have to take this test, and since there are so many of them, he ordered a few of the other instructors to knock them unconscious, as well."

"Oh my god. That _bastard_." A hush descended over us until a question popped into my head. Curious about the answer, I asked “Were you one of those kids?” Dongmin nodded. “Friend or lover?”

“Lover.”

“Oh. I’m sorry you had to do that.”

“I’m sorry that I did it. I think about them every day.” We sat in silence for a while until Dongmin spoke again. "I'm sorry for what I did to you and him. I truly am."

"Sorry won't bring him back. You had a hand in killing him as much as I did,” I replied, dejected.

"You... you think you– no, none of what happened is your fau–"

"Save it," I interrupted, clenching my fists, "I don't want to hear it."

Dongmin nodded, stood up, and told me to get some rest. Sometime after he left, a doctor came in to check on my injuries and type away on their computer. I blocked the noise out and turned on my uninjured side to sleep. I was granted permission to leave the next day as long as I was careful and visited the clinic every day to have my bandages changed.

During the day, I did non-strenuous exercises and filled my head with knowledge to keep myself occupied. At night, I looked at the healing injuries on my body in the mirror, mourned, and cried myself to sleep. Two and a half months later, the casts came off and I picked up my training again.

All I did was train, train, train. Eat, train, sleep, repeat. This was better than drowning in guilt. Training was not as enjoyable without my favorite sparring partner, but nevertheless, I went down to B1 to exhaust myself. Other than crying, this was the only way I could get to sleep easily.

It was only two weeks later when Minjee came to get me from the shooting range. She told me to follow her to the elevator. I wondered why we were going up but when we got to the elevator and the doors closed, she told me to put my index finger on the fingerprint scanner. I looked at her, skeptical, and told her it wouldn't work because the lower floors are restricted to trainees. She told me to try anyway. I placed my finger on the scanner and it flashed green and read 'RESTRICTED ACCESS: GRANTED'. I gave her a puzzled look and she just shrugged and pressed B2.

_B2 is the control center... Why is Minjee taking me there?_

The elevator doors opened up to a room of computers, large screens, and tech people. Appa was also here, talking to one of the tech guys. They stopped talking when they noticed us walk in. Minjee walked me over to them.

"Hello, I'm Son Chunho, the head tech. Congratulations on making junior assassin and going on your first mission!"

_... Is this a joke?_

"What?"

"I said congrats on–"

"No. No, I heard you, I'm just confused." _First of all, this isn't something to be happy about. And second..._ I turned to Appa. "I didn't pass the test. You were the one that..." I trailed off.

Appa chuckled. "Ah yes, I decided to make an exception for you. I've heard good things about you and I've seen your training progress. Your results are exemplary. I'm willing to let what happened during the test slide. We don't want such talent to go to waste, do we?" He smirked, before leaning closer so that only I can hear. "Besides, I think the goal of the test was somewhat achieved, don't you think? The first kill always hurts the most."

He knows. I don't know how, but he knows I'm hurting and feeling guilty.I glared at Appa, ready to quip back, but Minjee started talking to Chunho.

"Alright, let's hear the details of the mission. Go ahead, Chunho-yah."

Chunho took a seat in front of a nearby computer. "Right, so your assignment is to fly to Macao and kill this woman, Liao Xia.” Chunho pulled up a photo of a middle-aged woman and her information on the large screen in front of us. “Tomorrow, at six in the evening, she will be attending a formal political gathering, along with her two guards. You two will be infiltrating as staff workers and poisoning her drink. The poison works 20 seconds after ingestion so it gives you enough time to walk away without arousing suspicion.”

“Wait, what did she do?” I asked.

Chunho slightly turned to me in his computer chair. “She’s a corrupt politician. That’s all you need to know.” He faced the computer again, typing away.

“No, tell me what she did that warrants her murder. You expect me to kill someone but you won’t even tell me why.”

“You don’t need to know why, newbie. Just be quiet and do as you’re told.” That irked me. I’m starting to get fed up with this Chunho guy. “We'll be tracking you through your chip,” he continued.

"Wait," I cut in, "what chip?"

"The one in your hip." Chunho let out an exasperated sigh.

 _"_ When did that happen and why am I just being told now? I never consented to it."

Chunho sighed again, annoyed by all my questions. "It was implanted after the test while you were out cold in the clinic. It was on a need-to-know basis, your consent wasn’t needed."

"What the fuck? Of course, you need my consent. It's my body!"

"No, it's not. You're Appa's. He owns you. Nothing is yours anymore."

I clenched my fists at my sides, seething. "You fucker! You think you're something special, huh? You're nothing but his little bitch boy."

Chunho spun around in his chair with an angry look on his face. "Fuck you! I'm–"

"Hey! Calm down, you two, you're making a scene!" Minjee touched my arm as a comforting gesture, which did not help at all. "It's okay, we all have a tracking chip."

"It's not okay! It's far from okay!" I raised my voice.

"Okay. Okay, just take a deep breath. We can talk about everything later, but let's just get this over with now and then we can leave."

I huffed and gave in, albeit reluctantly. Inhaled, exhaled.

Chunho smirked. "Just so you know, don't try to take it out. If you do, it'll explode and take half of your body with it. Even if you somehow find a way to take it out without exploding, I'll be alerted and I can just detonate it from here."

"You fucking prick!" My whole body was vibrating with rage. I was just about ready to _strangle_ Chunho but Minjee held me back.

He grinned as he watched me struggle from Minjee’s hold. "Anyways, that's it," he said. "Get some rest and be here tomorrow at 2pm. We'll be doing some final preparations, then you'll be on your way for the mission."

Minjee practically dragged me to the elevator while I was cursing out Chunho. Before the elevator doors closed, I saw Appa looking rather amused.

In the elevator, Minjee scolded me. “You can’t go picking fights with people and being disrespectful, especially not in front of Appa or to him. You may be one of his favorites, but his patience is limited. Don’t get yourself killed.”

I pouted, leaning against the elevator wall and crossing my arms defiantly. “To hell with Appa.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a small change. Instead of referring to underground floor B2 as the 'base of operations', I changed it to 'control center' and will refer to it that way (or as 'B2') from now on.


	9. First Mission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I mentioned in the end notes of the last chapter, I made a small change. Instead of referring to underground floor B2 as the 'base of operations', I changed it to 'control center' and will refer to it that way (or as 'B2') from now on.

The next day, I woke up at the usual time and did my morning routine. I skipped breakfast and just laid in bed for the whole morning, thinking.

It’s my very first mission. My first assassination. How had my life come to this? If I kill this woman, there is no going back. If she dies by my hand, that makes me a murderer. It doesn’t matter if she’s a bad person, she’s still a person. A life is a life, no matter how unprincipled it is.

I won’t do it, I decided. I can’t. I may have to go on this assignment with Minjee but I’m not poisoning that woman. It would still make me an accomplice, but at least I’m not actually taking someone’s life.

I stared up at the ceiling, wondering what my life would be like if I was still living with my parents. If I was still in school. I can’t believe it’s been over a year already. I would have already graduated high school and applied to a college. Maybe I would have gotten a job over the summer or went on a trip with my friends. I could have had a normal life but Appa ripped it away from me.

There was a knock on the door and my eyes flickered over to the clock. It was almost time to go to the control center to get ready for the mission. It was probably Minjee then. I got out of bed and went to open the door. It was Minjee, indeed, dressed in all black. 

She handed me similar clothes. “Here, change into this. It’s what we usually wear for missions. I guessed your size. Let me know if something doesn’t fit.” I let her into my room and went to my bathroom to get changed. The clothes were a pair of cargo pants, a t-shirt, a hooded leather jacket, combat boots, leather gloves, and a face mask, all black. The jacket was padded with what I think is Kevlar and had an inner gun holster pocket and two inner magazine holders on one side. The other side had holsters for knives and an extra pocket. The pants had a removable silver chain attached to it. I changed into the clothes, stuffing the face mask and gloves into the extra pocket, and looked at myself in the mirror.

“You guys are surprisingly fashionable for a group of assassins,” I remarked, walking into the bedroom.

Minjee laughed. “Yeah, I guess so! Come on, let’s go eat something before we have to go.”

We left my room and headed down to the cafeteria to order food. As soon as it was served, we found a nearby table and sat down to eat. It was silent while we ate, both of us enjoying our food, until Minjee broke it.

“Are you doing okay?”

“Yeah. Why?” I stopped eating.

“Well, you’ve been rather quiet lately, always training and never talking to anyone. And that outburst you had yesterday… I was thinking maybe something was wrong. Is it Jaime?”

I sighed, not really wanting to have this conversation. “Yeah, it’s Jaime. Well, not just Jaime. First of all, Chunho is a rude asshole.”

“Yeah, he can be like that sometimes. But you have to remember he is older than you, so you have to play nice. You know how it works in Korea with honorifics and formal speech. You should be calling him ‘sunbaenim’. In fact, you should be calling all the instructors ‘sunbaenim’, including me and Dongmin. It’s fine to not use honorifics with us both when we’re alone, but when talking to or about us in front of others, use honorifics, okay?”

“Got it.”

“Okay. Second of all?”

“Mm. It’s just… I didn’t want this life. I was a normal teenager and then I was forced into this so suddenly. I began to like training. Although, at times, it was exhausting, I felt like I was becoming a better version of myself. Smarter, stronger. Me 2.0. Then, that stupid test happened and now I’m a junior assassin and expected to go to another country to kill a stranger.”

Minjee frowned. “It’s a lot, I know. You were orphaned and kidnapped and had no say in how your life went after. I understand. Probably all you can do now is try to make the best out of a bad situation, find a silver lining. Hold onto that feeling of becoming you 2.0. You’re strong, and I don’t mean just physically… And I know you don’t want to hear this, but Appa still wants that woman dead, one way or another. No one is expecting your first mission to go perfectly, but you still have to… you know.”

“Minjee, I’m not killing her. I’ll go with you and back you up but I’m not killing anyone.”

“Okay. But I do have to report to Appa about the mission. He won’t be pleased to hear that you didn’t poison her. Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure!” I huffed. “What kind of question is that?” I slumped in my chair, shaking my head. “I can’t believe this is my life now. Casually talking about murder like it’s an everyday thing for us.”

Minjee chuckled ruefully, a hint of sadness in her eyes. “For me, it is. For you, it will be.”

My brows furrowed in disapproval and I chose to ignore her comment. “Why do we have to kill her?”

“Because Appa said so.”

“No, I mean _why_? What does he have to gain from her death?”

“Well, it’s likely that someone wants her dead and paid Appa to have it done. That’s how most missions are. He commissions one or some of us to do the deed. There are times when he gives us missions of his own accord, but that doesn’t happen often.”

“So we’re assassins for hire?”

“Kind of. We only work for Appa, though, not the person that pays him for our services. They are as anonymous to us as we are to them.”

“Wow, so he profits from us. Can’t say I’m surprised.”

“Yeah, well, once you’re doing well as a senior assassin, he opens a bank account for you and pays you for the work you do. He even gives you more freedom outside these walls to integrate back into society as long as no one finds out what you are.”

“How are you so okay with this? With murdering people?”

Minjee shrugs. “I’m not. I’m just better at hiding it than most people. C’mon, eat. Food’s getting cold and we gotta leave soon.”

The conversation ended there. We quickly ate and headed down to B2. Chunho was sitting in his rolling chair, talking to a young woman I didn’t recognize, smugness all over his face. I wanted to make it disappear so _so_ bad.

“Hello, Minjee-yah,” he greeted.

“Hi, Chunho-yah.”

“Newbie.”

“Sunbaenim.” I sneered at him. He payed no mind to the facial expression, a shit-eating grin on his face from being addressed that way.

Chunho introduced the woman he was talking to prior to our arrival. He said that she’s from the lab, here to explain the poison a little better. She didn’t look much older than Minjee and Chunho. I assumed she’s a senior and instructor in the medical division.

We greeted each other and the young woman proceeded to tell us about the poison. The poison is odorless, harmless to your skin, and only works if ingested. She talked about the 20 seconds it takes to work and what’s happening to the body when it does. After it is ingested, that person will have difficulty in breathing and then will go into respiratory failure.

When the young woman finished her explanation, she handed me a small vial with a clear substance and left. I gave it to Minjee when no one was looking and closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I didn’t want to hold it or see it, knowing what going to happen because of it, because of us.

We went through the final preparations. Minjee handed me a gun and two knifes. I put them in the holsters in my jacket. Chunho gave us small, clear wireless earpieces. My earpiece was linked to Minjee’s so that we could communicate with each other during the assignment. Our earpieces were also linked to the control center but that connection stayed off unless we needed assistance from them. Minjee packed a small duffel bag with other items and then we were on our way.

Minjee led me to the runway with all the parked aircraft and vehicles. The control center already prepared a jet and a pilot for us. We boarded the aircraft. The interior was nice, a lot nicer than the interior of a normal plane. The seats were spaced out and looked very comfortable. Minjee and I sat in the front seats across the aisle from each other and I put the seat belt on and waited patiently for the jet to take off. The flight would take nearly 4 hours. With nothing to do, I got comfortable, put my feet up, and decided to take a nap until we arrive.

I was being shaken out of my sleep what felt like not long after by Minjee. The hours passed by fast when I was asleep. I looked out of the window and the sun was setting, the sky a mix of pretty orange and blue and pink. We were flying over land.

“Hey, wake up. We’re almost there,” she said. I nodded and sat up. Minjee stood there, waiting for something. “What are you doing?” She asked.

“Waiting for the jet to land. What are _you_ doing? Shouldn’t you go back to your seat?”

“We can’t land. That would draw too much attention to ourselves. Get up. We need to go soon before we miss our window of opportunity.”

Hearing the urgency in her voice, I took off the seat belt and hurried out of my seat. Still confused and standing in place, I watched as Minjee opened a compartment near the cockpit and pulled out two parachutes. She handed me one and started putting hers on while I just stood there, staring at the parachute.

“What are you doing? Hurry up. We gotta go!” She urged.

My head snapped up to look at her. “No. Nuh-uh. I am not jumping out of a moving plane!”

“No choice, kid. Either you go willingly or you get pushed. Same terms as the first day training began.” Already finished with putting her parachute on, she put a hand on her hip and smiled. “You’ll be fine.”

“I was also told that if I did it that day, I’d never had to do it again!” I whined. “You and Dongmin are liars,” I pouted.

“A little lie never hurt anybody,” Minjee laughed. “We really are close to the landing site. Tell you what, I’ll strap you to me and we’ll make a tandem jump.” Minjee saw me hesitating so she added, “Nothing will happen to you, I promise. You’ll be attached to me. It’ll be less scary that way.”

I exhaled sharply. “Fine.” Minjee put back my parachute and grabbed a harness instead. She helped me into it, securing it snugly, and then grabbed two pairs of goggles for us to put on.

Ready to go, Minjee quickly strode to the cockpit to speak to the pilot. When she came back, she attached the back of my harness to her front and the door to the exit was already opening on its own. She tightened her grip on the duffel bag and we walked together to the edge of the opening.

I peered down. We were flying over tons of buildings, not an open field, like I was expecting. There were small moving lights on the ground, most likely cars. The sky was getting dark.

“Ready?” Minjee shouted over the wind.

“No!” I yelled back.

“Great!” She pushed off all of the sudden and I yelped. And then we were falling.

We were falling rapidly. The cool air whipped me in the face as we gained speed. The rooftop of a building was swiftly approaching and I found myself wondering if I was going to faceplant into the concrete. We fell for only a few seconds and then Minjee deployed the chute. We were falling still, but slower. It actually wasn’t that bad. Still scary, but not that much. It’s not something I would like to do again though. We landed on a high building on our feet. Minjee detached the harness from her and took the parachute off herself while I took off the harness. We took off the goggles as well.

“See, that wasn’t so bad!” Minjee chirped. I hummed in agreement, not really listening, trying to equalize the pressure in my ears. “Y’know, you’re gonna have to do this without me one day.”

“Yeah? Well, today is not that day,” I replied.

“I suppose you’re right. Well, I’m just telling now so you know,” she warned. She put the bag on the ground and squatted, searching for something inside. “Oh, make sure you put your mask, gloves, and hood on.”

I did as she said and stared up at the dark sky, thinking about how this is the first time I’ve been outside in over year. Truly outside, away from those four walls I’ve been living in. I’m free, but I’m also not free. Not as long as I have this explosive tracking chip in my hip.

Minjee, face covered and gloves on, called me over to where she stood by the roof entrance. She attached a small device near the lock on the door and activated it. It disabled the lock and alarm so that we could enter the building. The building had seven stories and we needed to get to the first floor where the gathering was held. I was pretty sure the gathering already started and I told Minjee that but she said it was okay.

We entered the stairwell and I looked over the rail, down the staircase. It was a long way down. So many stairs. I shot Minjee a look and she just offered a shake of the head. She reached into the duffel bag again and pulled out two grappling hook guns. Minjee handed me one then jumped the rail, plummeting to the first floor. She shot the gun and it hooked over the rail I stood behind. Now this? This I could do. We actually practiced how to do this during training. It still baffled me to this day that I could do this but can’t brave jumping from high heights. I followed after her and jumped the rail, shooting the gun to hook onto the rail, and riding it down. I softly landed next to Minjee and we retracted the hooks and exited the stairwell.

We entered a brightly lit hall and I heard light music playing softly. Minjee and I followed the sound of the music, cautiously navigating through the halls and avoiding cameras, until we arrived at a hall where the music was loudest. We stayed out of sight, around a corner, because there were four security guards posted in front of the open double doors of the banquet hall where the music was coming from. Only some of the room was visible from where we were hiding but we saw enough to come to the conclusion that this must be where the gathering is being held.

A thought popped into my head then. “Minjee, Chunho said-"

“Sunbaenim,” Minjee interrupted.

I let out a breath. “Chunho _sunbaenim_ said that we would be infiltrating as staff workers. How are we supposed to do that if they didn’t give us the uniform? Unless you have it in that tiny duffel bag.”

“I don’t. They weren’t going to give us uniforms in the first place. It’s a problem we’ll have to deal with on our own.”

“How are we supposed to get uniforms? We don’t actually work here.” Minjee averted her eyes, feigning an expression of innocence. “Please tell me we’re not killing anyone and stealing their clothes.”

“Relax. We’re not killing anyone except for Liao Xia. She’ll be the only fatality tonight if things go right. We will be stealing clothes though.”

The way Minjee talked about the woman’s life like she was just another thing to check off the list didn’t sit well with me. For Minjee, it may very well be just something to check off the list. Like she just accepted it will happen. She’s been doing these assassinations for too long. Far too long.

“Follow me. There should be a staff room here somewhere that directly connects to the banquet hall.” Minjee led me through the corridors, following the signs on the walls. We passed by a kitchen and a janitorial closet until we were faced with a staff room.

Before opening the door to the room, Minjee reached into the duffel bag and pulled out two capped syringes, already filled with a clear liquid. She gave me one and kept one for herself.

“What’s this for?” I asked, concerned.

“It’s for whoever’s inside, if there is anyone. Oh don’t give me that look, it’s just ketamine. The most it’ll do is render them unconscious.”

Minjee pushed open the door. Unluckily for all parties involved, there was a man and a woman sitting at a table, appearing to be on break. We entered the room and they stopped their conversation to look at the us.

“Oh, hello? Is there something I can help you with?” The woman asked with a confused but friendly smile on her face.

We approached the table calmly, standing right in front of it, within an arm length of the two workers. “I’m so sorry for this,” I apologized. Both the man and woman looked at me, confused, and then Minjee pushed the needle into the woman’s upper arm and pushed down on the plunger to inject the liquid into her muscle. Minjee held her in place, hand over her mouth, until she stopped struggling. The entire time, the man watched in shock, eyes wide and mouth gaped. Only when I clamped my hand over his mouth did he struggle. I injected the liquid into this arm and held him there, waiting patiently for the drug to flood his system and make his body go limp.

“Now what?”

Minjee shrugged. “Now we take their clothes.”

“What? Couldn’t we just search the lockers for unused uniforms?”

“We could but that would take too long and someone could walk in. They were on break. Who knows when the next one will be? I don’t have anymore needles so we might actually have to hurt someone.”

Potentially hurt someone or strip two unconscious people of their clothes? Hard choice. A choice I didn’t want to make.

“You decide.” Minjee started pulling off the woman’s uniform. I guess that’s it then. I did the same for the man. “I’m sorry,” I apologized to them again, even though they couldn’t hear me. “This is wrong on so many levels.”

Minjee and I turned away from each other and quickly undressed, slipping on their clothes and shoes. The clothes were a bit too big for me. I pushed the woman’s chair closer to the man’s and covered their bodies with an old thin blanket I found on the armchair in the corner.

I was about to open the door that connected to the banquet hall but Minjee told me to wait. She pulled out a small chip and moved a chair over to the corner of the room. She stood on the chair and inserted the chip into the side of a surveillance camera. I never noticed it was there.

“The chip will erase all footage from five minutes ago and loop the two workers,” she explained as she stepped off the chair and put it back. “I have the poison. When we go out there, stay calm and act like you belong here. Observe what the workers are doing first before making a move. Slip in, slip out.”

I nodded and we exited the room. The banquet hall was large and spacious. It was decorated lavishly. There were standing tables all around and well-dressed men and women were standing around them, conversing with each other. It was basically a party for rich, important people.

The staff were walking around each table with glasses of champagne and finger food platters for the guests. They entered a different room across the hall with empty dishes and came out of it with full glasses and platters. It could only be the kitchen. That’s where Minjee and I will go.

The kitchen was busy. There were trays and platters already ready with food and champagne. Minjee grabbed a tray with champagne and I grabbed a platter with food. We went out to serve the guests, Minjee doing ‘her job’ quickly and me keeping my distance and watching Liao Xia’s guards.

When she was down to two glasses left on the tray, Minjee discreetly poured the clear poison into one of the glasses and pushed it forward. She walked to Liao Xia’s table nearby and offered her a drink. Liao Xia took the glass that was pushed forward and thanked her. Minjee walked away and offered the last glass to another guest and I approached the woman and offered her food. I was thanked as well. Minjee and I went back to the kitchen to set the trays down and then we crossed the banquet hall to go back to the staff room. When we were halfway across, I saw the woman take a bite of her food and take a sip of champagne to wash it down.

When we reached the staff room door, I could hear labored breathing and then there was a crash and people crowding her, asking her if she’s okay and trying to figure out what’s wrong. We entered the room and didn’t look back. Inside, Minjee and I turned away from each other and began to undress and put back on our black attire. We redressed the workers and I put the blanket back and moved the woman’s chair back to its original position. They will wake up soon.

Minjee took the chip out of the camera and we left the room. We made our way back up to the roof and Minjee contacted the control center through the earpiece. She asked for a transport to come get us and asked them to make sure all video evidence of us in the building is nonexistent. It wasn’t long till a helicopter came and threw down a ladder for us to climb up.

In my bedroom that night, I thought about the outcome of the mission. My first mission. Successful, even though I didn’t do much. I feel awful about it. It was in my power to stop it but I couldn’t. Not with Appa holding my life in his hands. Not with this chip in my hip.

Is it wrong that I want to live? Should I just disregard what will happen to me and rebel against Appa for the sake of saving others’ lives? If I was just _gone_ , I wouldn’t have to kill anyone or witness anyone’s death but I wouldn’t be saving anyone either. Appa could just send someone else to kill them, so what’s the point?

A few days later, Minjee came to get me. She brought me down to B3, another underground floor I unknowingly had access to since I became a junior assassin. The elevator opened up to a long corridor. The floor was carpeted and warm lights shone above me. There were a few closed room doors on both sides of it and at the end of the corridor, there was the largest room with grand double doors. Two guards in suits were stationed in front to the doors. Minjee and I walked to the room at the end of the corridor and stopped in front of the guards. One of the guards spoke to their earpiece, letting whoever is on the other side know we’re here. A moment later, both guards were opening the doors for us and inside sat Appa at an opulent wooden oak desk, looking dapper in a dark silk suit. Minjee had brought me to Appa’s office.

She nudged me to go inside and left, the doors closing behind her. Appa told me to sit so I sat in one of the plush chairs in front of the desk. Appa had called me in to talk about the mission. He told me he was disappointed that I didn’t end the woman’s life and that I should participate more for the next mission. He talked for a few minutes, his voice gentle and calm. I stared blankly at him, his words going in one ear and out the other. The test was on my mind. The test that killed Jaime.

“Appa,” I said, without realizing that I interrupted him. He didn’t say anything, though, so I continued, “the test, would you really have let the winner go?”

Appa grinned big. I hated it. “No, I wouldn’t. You were right in saying that I would have sent someone to kill you after you’re free. Can’t let our little secrets out, can we?”

Huh. If I hadn’t come up with the plan and we fought seriously and Jaime overpowered me and won, Jaime would have died anyway. If I had forfeited my life and let Jaime kill me, he wouldn’t even be alive today to enjoy life like he wanted. It’s not wrong that he wanted to live. It’s his right. But if I had given my life for his, nothing would have changed. I can't change anything.

I nodded dejectedly and left the room, not bothering to let Appa finish his scolding or say goodbye.


	10. Or Else

Darkness.

Just a dark void of emptiness.

I have been staring at absolutely nothing for the past half hour because I woke up before my alarm and couldn't fall back asleep. I’ve been thinking about the dream I jolted awake from.

It was a dream about the first assignment that happened two weeks ago. A dream about Liao Xia, the woman I was supposed to poison. Minjee had poured the poison into a glass of champagne and offered it to the woman, just like how it actually happened. The woman takes the drink and Minjee and I return to the kitchen to put our trays back. We would calmly walk back to the staff room without looking back while the woman takes a sip of the poisoned drink. 

Except I do turn around and look back. I watch the woman writhe on the floor in pain, gasping for breath while her lungs fail her. The commotion surrounding her filters out to heavy silence and she turns her head towards me and stares at me with glassy eyes. She looks at me like she's trying to tell me  _ I know what you did. _ I shake my head frantically and open my mouth to speak but nothing comes out. She continues to stare, gasping weakly.  _ You did this to me. _ I watch as the life fades from her eyes and she dies. Even when dead, her eyes are still open, and it feels like she's staring— _burning_ —a hole through me. Minjee pulls me into the room and everything goes black. And then I woke up.

The alarm finally goes off and I get out of bed to do what I do every morning. 

In a few minutes, I’m dressed in a plain shirt and a pair of comfy sweatpants and ready to have breakfast in the cafeteria. I order just a bagel with cream cheese, a banana, and a cup of tea and head to the outside sitting area to eat and get some fresh air. 

I remember meeting Jaime here and him asking me if I think we could escape this place. I remember telling him that we could, but not alive. I wish I wasn’t right about that. 

In a way, Jaime did escape, but not in the way he wanted. Not in the way I wanted. But then… maybe he didn’t escape. I haven’t seen his body since the test and no one will tell me what happened to it. There was no funeral, not for him or the other dead kids that were killed by people they cared about. He could still be in this very building. He could still be condemned to this hell, even if he is only here physically, his soul someplace else. The sudden thought of his body falling victim to organ trafficking came to mind and was quickly dismissed. That was among one of the worst things that could happen to him.

I dream about Jaime sometimes, too. It comes as flashes of our lives up until the test. The memories always start out happy. When we first met. When we ate together. When we shared about what we were doing with our lives before all of this. When we spent my birthday together. When we picked the other up when they were down. 

Then it would skip to when we woke up on the cold ground in that cage. When I cried seeing Jaime pick up the blades after Appa threatened our lives. When Appa offered only one of us a way out. When I told the plan to Jaime. When Jaime narrowly missed slashing the top of my head off, almost killing me. When we attacked Appa together. When Jaime laid limp on the ground with a blade embedded into his neck and a pool of blood spreading beneath him. When he mouthed that it wasn't my fault. When he breathed his last breath. It always ended that way. It's cruel that my mind makes me remember.

Things have been relatively calm since my first assignment. I have been training regularly, running laps and going through the obstacle courses, as well as practicing techniques by myself and sparring with others. It's been keeping the guilt and self-destructive thoughts at bay for at least a little while. 

After my meal, I went inside to train on B1. I spend the majority of my day down here, only stopping to eat lunch and a snack, then going at it again. There are other kids down here that I could spar with but I opted for the punching dummy to let off some steam and relieve the tension in my muscles. It’s maybe already nightfall when Minjee comes and stands off to the side to watch.

"I've been looking for you," she informs.

"Yeah? Well, you've found me," I remark, not halting the fierce onslaughts on the dummy.

Minjee observes me for a minute before I get tired of her gaze and stop to face her. "What is it, sunbaenim?" 

"You've got another assignment. With me." 

“Oh.”

"Yeah. Get dressed and meet me in the control center."

“Wait. Right now?”

“Yes. We have to leave as soon as possible,” Minjee answers curtly and then turns to leave.

I stare at the floor absentmindedly as I ponder why I wasn’t given prior notice of the mission. When I look up to ask Minjee, she’s already gone.

I take the elevator up to my room to wipe away the sweat with a cold washcloth, freshen up, dress in the all-black clothing I received from Minjee last mission, and go back to the elevator. A junior enters the elevator with me. I ask them what floor and they say B3. I briefly wonder what’s the reason for the visit as I press the buttons to the control center and to Appa’s office. The elevator drops me off first.

The control center was filled with tech people, focusing on their screens and moving their fingers rapidly over their keyboards. No one spared me a glance. It was buzzing with energy. It wasn’t quiet, but it wasn’t really loud either. Chunho was speaking to Minjee, their conversation hushed enough to not be overheard. Appa was not present this time, which makes sense since the junior that was in the elevator with me was on their way to speak with him. Chunho and Minjee paused their conversation when they noticed me.

They gave me a concise version of the mission details. Minjee and I will be sent to retrieve a junior assassin that was on a mission with their senior. The pair had already accomplished their assignment but the junior managed to take the senior by surprise and kill them. The kid isn’t responding, so he probably destroyed his earpiece so that no one can reach him. According to Chunho, the junior is planning to make a run for it, but he hasn’t moved from the location of their mission yet, which is, apparently, twenty minutes from us by car. Our earpieces will stay on so that we can communicate throughout the whole thing with Chunho. I asked Chunho why he won’t just detonate the tracking chip and be done with it (not that I want the boy to die), but Chunho only says that Appa wants a word with him. Somehow I think this is a plot for something bigger.

Chunho tells Minjee and I to gear up and we both grab the weapons already laid out on the table for us. Two guns and two katanas in their sheaths. The sheaths have a strap attached to them. We stuff the guns in our jacket holsters and grab the katanas. I hang mine over my shoulder with the strap. No point in slinging it over my back if I have to take it off soon to sit in the car. Chunho hands Minjee car keys and then we leave the building and head to the runway.

Minjee leads me to a sleek black SUV and we get in the car. She starts the engine and turns on the Bluetooth so that Chunho’s voice can come through the speakers. He gives her directions to the destination, but I tune it out and crack the window down to let the chilly wind hit my face and watch the moon and twinkling stars pass by. They look bright and beautiful tonight.

With my attention focused on the night sky, the twenty minutes pass by quickly and we’re already there. Chunho’s directions brought us to a hotel. When we enter the reception area, no one is there. It is eerily quiet and it seems like no one occupies any of the rooms on the first floor, which is strange because I’m sure I saw some light filtering through some of the room windows before entering the building. 

Chunho directs us to a ballroom via tracking the kid’s chip. The ballroom doors are wide open and from where I’m walking towards them, I can see the receptionist and some guards inside, face down near the doors. The guards must have stepped in and the receptionist heard the scuffle and checked it out, and they were all cut down as soon as they entered by the assassin pair. No witnesses. All of this happened unbeknownst to the hotel guests.

We find the junior in the room, as well as the senior’s and their targets’ corpses scattered about on the floor. The boy, sat in a chair in the act of trying to cut out his chip, still hasn’t noticed us. Before he actually makes a deep cut, I intervene.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

The boy pauses and looks up, eyes comically wide. “No. No, I thought I had enough time before someone got here,” he says hastily, then drops the knife and picks up his sword, pointing it at me.

“Thought wrong. Also if you cut it out, it'll explode and kill you.”

“I know.”

“You suicidal or something?”

“No,” the boy rolls his eyes, “I think I know how to get it out.”

I stand stock still, processing what the boy just said. If there’s a way to take out the chip without it detonating, then… I could be free of Appa's control. I have to know. “How d–”

“Hurry up and bring him back!” Chunho shouts through the earpiece, cutting off my question. 

I go stiff. The boy looks at me knowingly. He knows that I’m listening to someone through my earpiece, but despite that, he says, “Help me. We can get the chips out. We just have to kill her,” his eyes shift to Minjee, “and if Chunho-sunbaenim hasn’t detonated the chips by then, we can take them out and run away.”

I don't say anything, knowing that Chunho is listening in and Minjee is in the room with me nearby. The boy's pleading is desperate. He doesn't want to die and it seems he knows he will if we bring him back to Appa. His little proposition to get me to join him is also desperate, and flawed. Even if we manage to overpower Minjee, I doubt our lives are important enough to Chunho for him to not immediately detonate the chips and kill us. There'd be no time to take the chips out. Hell, he might even kill us off as soon as we attack Minjee. 

The only benefit to helping him is finding out how to rid myself of the tracking chip without it detonating. But the risks outweigh the reward. Plus—my gaze shifts to Minjee; her sword is drawn but she’s relaxed, just watching this interaction between him and me go down—I don’t actually want to hurt Minjee, never mind kill her. I have to figure out another way to take out the chip.

I look at the boy intently, conveying through my eyes that I can't help him. I wish I could tell him I'm sorry. Sorry that I won't help him escape from Appa. Sorry that Minjee and I will bring him to where he'll probably die. I wish I could've just let him go and pretend I didn't see him, but I can't with Minjee here. I wish I could ask him how he figured it out. He understands that I can't help, though, because he sighs and readies himself to charge at me. Then he attacks with his sword.

I look to Minjee for help before he reaches me but she just shrugs and backs up a little to watch. So I fight alone. Our swords clash repeatedly for a few minutes. Even when I knock his sword out of his hand, he refuses to give up. I suppose a quick death by explosion or by sword is preferable to death by whatever Appa might have planned.

I slide my katana back into its sheath and we fight hand-to-hand. Both of us inflict bruises to each other, but no major injuries. Fed up with how long this struggle is taking, I charge at the boy with all my might and ram him into the wall behind him. The back of his head makes a sickening thud against the wall and the boy falls to the floor. I exhale a curse under my breath. I didn't intend for this to happen, but it did, so I guess all we need to do now is bring him to Appa. 

Minjee ties him up and I, regrettably, help her carry him back to the car and into the backseat. When we drive back to the building, it's quiet between us. Neither Minjee nor Chunho address the proposition the boy brought up to me. I suppose it looks like I'm still on their side since I took the boy down. 

When we arrive, Minjee and I carry the unconscious boy into the building and some of the senior assassins are already there to take him off our hands. Minjee follows them but I opt to go take a shower and turn in for the night. I get a knock at the door not long after while I'm in the bathroom, shower running and shirt halfway over my head. I turn off the water and pull down the shirt before going to see who it is. 

The person at the door is a senior, saying that Appa would like to see me. They take me to the elevator, scan their fingerprint, and press the button for B4. The elevator takes us down and the metal doors open up to the entrance of a room. I freeze at the entrance when I see the giant cage in the center of it. It's the place where Jaime and I were forced to fight each other; it's the place where Jaime died. It's the torture chamber. The senior notices the pause in my steps but just pushes me further into the room.

The boy is in the cage, sat on a chair. His wrists are tied to the arms of the chair and his ankles are tied to its legs. He's still unconscious, his head hanging low. With the entire chamber dimly lit, I can see more than when I was here last time. There's a large opening at one end of the room that seems to be part of a hallway, but it splits off into the left and right directions instead of going straight. On the other side of the room, there's a closed metal door. There are senior assassins posted at different areas of the chamber. Even Minjee is here, by the metal door. 

I'm not entirely sure what's going on, but I know that that boy is going to die here tonight and I've been called here to watch. Is Appa doing this to make an example of him? Is this a message that says that this will happen to you if you betray Appa? But if that were true, then why am I the only junior here? I'm not anyone special. What exactly is going to happen here tonight?

It seems I'll get my answer soon because Appa comes through the entrance of the chamber. He spares everyone in the room a glance and approaches me.

“Ah, hello, my child,” he smiles.

I only offer a grunt in response. Someone in the room barks “Speak when you are spoken to.”

I clench my fists. “Hello.”

“Hello, what?” Appa leans closer.

“Hello, Appa,” I growled.

Appa’s smile grew. “Now that wasn’t so hard, was it?”

My fists clenched tighter. “Why am I here?” I asked in a level tone.

“I was getting to that,” Appa crowed. “Take a look around. Tell me what you see.”

“I see a boy about to be tortured for wanting to live his life. I see a deranged man that receives some sort of sick pleasure from hurting others,” I snarled. In my peripheral vision, the seniors shift at the disrespectful tone.

“Feisty one, aren’t ya?” Appa quips. “I wonder where you get that from.”

“You made me this way.”  _ You made me into someone full of rage and guilt and misery _ . 

“You’re right. I did make you. And I can unmake you. Lucky for you, I don’t want to do that. No,” he pauses, “I want to break you,” Appa leans down to speak by my ear, “and turn you into one of my greatest weapons.”

I take a step back in shock and Appa chuckles at my reaction.

“Let me tell you what I see. I see a disobedient child that tried to run away from home. Disobedient children need to be punished so they know not to do it again.”

“This isn’t punishment! This is murder!”

“This is whatever I call it. You want to know why you’re here?” I don't answer but Appa continues anyway. “You are here so I can give you a nudge in the right direction. You couldn’t kill Jaime and you couldn’t poison that wretched woman, so you are going to rectify that. You are here to help me give this boy what he deserves.” Appa points at the still-unconscious boy. I must have rammed him into the wall harder than I thought.

A senior hands Appa a sledgehammer and Appa holds it out for me to take. I don’t. I take another step back. “Fuck no! I want no part of this. You either let me leave or kill me where I stand.”

Appa takes a step closer. “Making demands?” He raises an eyebrow, amused. “That’s not how this works, sweetheart. You won’t be going anywhere until you do what I told you to do. And I’m not going to kill you because you don’t fear death… But you do care about others. Minjee,” Appa calls and I whip my head in her direction, confused and scared of what he’ll do to her. But Appa doesn’t move from in front of me and Minjee goes through that metal door and comes out seconds later with a little Korean girl. The girl looks to be no older than five years old. She has headphones over her ears and looks frightened and confused.

“Look at her. Isn’t she adorable?” chirped Appa.

“Where did she come from?” I questioned because I have never seen this child in my life.

“Oh, I had her taken off the street when her parents weren’t looking. I’m sure they’re worried. Probably called the police by now.” Appa chuckles.

My jaw goes slack, dumbfounded. “Y-you kidnapped her?”

“Yes, if you want to be technical about it… It would be a shame if this sweet innocent child didn’t grow up to be an adult.” Appa sends a look Minjee’s way and Minjee pulls out a gun, pointing it at the back of the little girl’s head. Her eyes avoid mine as she cocks the gun. The little girl doesn’t seem to hear it, probably due to the headphones, and still looks at us with uncertainty.

“Why protect him?” Appa taunts. “He’s already killed a handful of people. Imagine how devastated her parents will be when they hear that their little girl's brain was splattered all over the ground." The images and sounds flash in my mind. A click of a gun. A pull of a trigger. A loud, echoing bang. A small body slumping to the floor. Blood trickling out, joining the little, bloody pieces of brain matter scattered on the floor. A man smiles. It repeats in my mind, over and over and over. "And all because someone chose an assassin—a murderer—over an innocent chi–”

“Okay! I get it!” I shout. Then quieter: “I’ll do it. Take her back to her parents. Don’t hurt her.”

Appa grins wide. “Wonderful! You gave in much faster than I expected. Thought I’d have to rough her up a bit.” He sends Minjee another look and she pockets the gun and takes the little girl back through the metal door and doesn’t come out again. I hope that wherever she is in there, she stays safe. Appa hands me the sledgehammer and we enter the cage together.

The man holds up the boy’s head by his hair and slaps him hard across the face. The boy startles awake and groggily examines his surroundings. His eyes focus on the two people in front of him and suddenly he’s more awake. He starts apologizing and pleading with Appa to have mercy on him but Appa just holds up his hand to make him stop and tells him that he is past mercy. The boy looks to me and begs with his teary eyes for help. I just shake my head and whisper an apology. He drops his head down in defeat and sobs; my heart clenches.

Appa lets him weep for a minute before instructing me to smash his kneecap. The boy’s sobs intensify. I try to think about anything else but it’s impossible with the boy’s cries ringing in my ears. I look at Appa with uneasiness but he just nods his head towards the boy, gesturing for me to get on with it. With a shaky breath, I lift the sledgehammer and bring it down, the swing swift and strong due to the heavy head gaining momentum. The hammer makes contact with the boy’s knee and it makes a sickening crack and he cries out horrendously. I feel queasy.

Appa orders me to do the same with his other kneecap. I obey, another sickening crack is heard, and the boy screams. Tears and snot run down his face as he chokes on his cries. My heart clenches tighter, knowing that I just shattered both his kneecaps and I took away his ability to walk. 

It doesn’t stop there. Appa, with a satisfied smile, tells me to break one of his arms. So I steel myself for the crack and cries that I know will come and swing the hammer down onto his forearm. And they come, indeed. His bones fracture and splinter and a piece of it juts out his skin, blood streaming out. A bit of bile climbs up my throat at the sight.

Just when I think neither me nor the boy can take much more than this, Appa tells me that it’s enough. I almost breathe a sigh of relief, but then confusion and skepticism overtakes the short period of respite. Appa calmly says to untie him and a flash of hope shines in the boy’s eyes, but I can’t bring myself to reflect the same because I know there’s something more to this. Once untied, the man demands that I kick the boy off the chair because he “likes it when they squirm” and the flash of hope is gone as quick as it came.

I silently refuse, not wanting to be the cause of more pain and suffering. Instead, I move to the side of his uninjured arm and pick him up bridal-style, careful to not jolt him too much. I set him down on the ground just as carefully, feeling a tinge of guilt when he lets out a howl of pain. Appa glares at me disapprovingly but I glare back challengingly. His disapproval fades, though, anticipation replacing it.

Appa exits the cage and returns to his place outside it. He sends a look, an unspoken command to come. I follow and stand beside him. No one bothers closing the cage door and the boy doesn’t attempt to move from where he’s sat.

“And now for the main event,” Appa says.

Seconds later, from the hallway opening emerges something I’d never think I’d see so close in my lifetime. A tiger. _A_ _fucking_ _tiger_. It is massive and beautifully white and, even though it’s leashed, it’s coming towards us. It barely acknowledges me and goes straight to Appa. Appa pets and affectionately touches noses with the big cat. "This is Yue,” Appa introduces. “She's quite a beauty, isn't she?" For the first time, I can agree with him. Yue really is captivating, all-white with black markings instead of orange and black. Her coat is full and glossy and reminds me of the full moon reflecting over water. 

The moment of admiration is over when the person holding the leash brings Yue inside the cage, over to one side, and feeds the leash through the bars. One of the seniors waiting outside the bars stands next to a bucket of bloody meat ready to take hold of the leash. The person leaves the cage and leaves through the hallway opening. 

Only moments later, there are loud snarls coming from the hallway and just when I think it’s another animal, a woman comes out. She has the noose of a dog catcher pole around her neck and is being kept at length by the pole so she won’t attack the handler. The woman is crazed; she’s twitchy and aggressive and snarling with her teeth bared. Her hair is messy, skin dirty, and her mouth is smudged with what I think is dried blood. I hope it’s not.

If the boy was scared before after seeing the white tiger, he looks terrified now. He sits paralyzed in the center of the floor, eyes wide with fear as the woman is led to the bars on the other side of the cage. The woman actually looks more frightening than Yue. Yue was calm and barely acknowledged anyone when she came out. The woman looks like she’ll attack you if you make any sudden movements. 

As soon as her eyes fix on the boy, they don’t leave him. The handler slowly passes off the pole to a senior waiting outside the bars and backs up just as slow while the woman’s gaze is still trained on the boy. They exit the cage and close the door behind them, locking the boy inside with a tiger perking up at the smell of the inaccessible meat right outside the cage and an unpredictable woman that looks like she wants to slaughter him.

I remember those animal and human claw marks I saw during the test; now I have an idea of where they came from.

Appa claps his hands once to draw the boy’s attention. “My sweet child,” Appa began, “I do hope you learn from this. This is your punishment for defying me. A fight to the death. And if you win, I’ll let you go free, promise. Now,” Appa grins sinisterly, “ choose your opponent.”

I scoff at the man’s promise. Jaime and I were promised something similar. When asked if Appa would have kept his promise, he said no. His words are nothing but empty. Promise aside, the boy wasn’t going to survive this “fight to the death”. It was really more like an execution. Three of his limbs are broken and he has no weapon to compensate. He only has one arm to use and support him but he doesn't move because of the pain. He’s going to die here.

The boy hesitates for a long moment, unsure of what to say. He looks between the tiger and woman a couple of times, eventually choosing the woman. He slowly drags his body on the ground towards the tiger, trying to put some distance between him and the woman. The boy grunts in pain at every little movement and my guilt heightens as I watch, knowing that I’m the reason for his pain.

I understand why the boy chose the woman over the tiger. While the woman does look more ferocious, the tiger would kill him instantly since he wouldn’t be able to fight back against the massive beast, especially in his weakened state. He probably thinks he has at least a little bit of a fighting chance against the woman. If I was in his situation, I probably would have picked her, too, if I thought I could win. I understand his choice, I really do, but the tiger might be the lesser of two evils at this point. The woman looks like she’s going to make him suffer. A quick death from the tiger would put him out of his misery.

Appa chuckles darkly at the boy’s choice. “They always pick the human.” The comment flies past me with no reaction until I actually process what the man had just said. I blanch upon realizing that this isn't the first time that it's happened. Others have been put through this under the pretense of a punishment for the sake of Appa’s enjoyment.

The boy doesn’t get far from the middle of the cage before Appa tells the senior holding Yue’s leash to give her the bloody meat. They throw the pieces of meat through the bars to her and Yue chows down on her meal, ignoring the rest of us. She keeps her ears alert though. Appa then orders the person holding the woman back to release her. Everyone in the room watches with bated breath.

The woman takes a moment to realize the noose around her neck is gone, preoccupied with snarling and eyeing the boy, but as soon as she does, she pounces on the boy. The boy cries out with every jostle of his injuries, trying to defend himself with one arm, the woman scratching his skin and drawing blood. He manages to punch her in the face quite hard and it disorients her for a moment before she’s back at it again. 

As the struggle goes on, the boy’s defense weakens, as he’s in a constant state of pain and his arm tires. He gives way just a little, but it’s enough for the woman to unexpectedly swoop down and bite a chunk of his cheek straight off. Blood streams down her chin as she chews and swallows, the boy screaming and crying on the floor. The boy tries to fight her off as best he can, even flailing his broken limbs uselessly, but he’s failing. 

The woman digs her fingers in his face and pulls off skin and exposed muscle and stuffs the bloody pieces into her mouth. She moves down to his neck and, just before she takes a bite, she angles her body in a way that blocks it from view. 

But I can still hear it. The screams. The wet gurgling sounds the boy makes. The cries for help. The chewing. I can see the blood pooling at the woman’s knees, staining her clothes, and the boy writhing on the floor. Even when the boy makes no noise or movement anymore, she eats. 

After a few minutes, she’s satisfied, but then she focuses on Yue. Yue has been taking her time eating her slabs of meat but has also been watching the scene warily. The woman stalks closer to the tiger and the beast just watches and growls warningly as the woman comes closer.

When the woman is close enough, she attacks the tiger and Yue just swats her paw at the woman’s face powerfully. Like swatting a fly. The woman’s head hits the ground hard, half of her face clawed and head cracked open. The woman doesn't move after that; she’s dead. 

Yue continues to eat the rest of her meal as I stare in shock. I turn away from the scene, but not without catching a glimpse of the boy. His face was beyond recognition. There was a gaping bloody hole in his neck that was still oozing blood. I’m sure there was much more damage but I should count myself lucky that I didn't see more of the gory sight. Though I wish I hadn’t seen it at all.

There’s a slow clapping in the quietness of the room. It’s Appa. 

“Appa,” I call. 

He seems to know what I’m asking for because he says that I may leave. I rush out of the chamber and head straight to my room to vomit up the contents of my stomach into the toilet.

That night, the boy became another thing to add to my nightmares. My last thought before sleep took over was whether or not the boy regrets choosing the woman and would have preferred to be killed by the tiger instead. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yue (the white tiger) is named after Yue from Avatar: The Last Airbender hehe


	11. Too Late To Turn Back

Days pass by and, sure enough, I'm given a new assignment.

It's when I'm at breakfast that I'm told about the mission. Dongmin enters the cafeteria, looking around the room, before he spots my table. He nears the table but I ignore him and focus on my meal. 

The last time I saw Dongmin was in the clinic. Since then, we haven't spoken to or seen each other. If he has seen me around, he hasn't tried to make conversation. For that, I'm grateful. I needed some space from him. Evidently, I'm still angry at Dongmin for the part he played in Jaime's death. Not as angry as I was at the clinic (I wanted to hurt him back because he hurt me and my friend), but I feel some resentment towards him now. Whatever easygoing friendship I had with him before is gone and all that's left is bitterness. Maybe one day I'll forgive him and our strained relationship will be mended but who knows.

Dongmin sits at the table and it's silent between us. A minute later, I hear a soft “hey”. I don’t answer, I don't even acknowledge that he said something, but he doesn't let that deter him and continues on.

“How are you?” No response. Dongmin hums. "You seem to be doing well. All healed up and going on missions, I heard. That's good, good."

I lift my head, scrunching up my face with a scoff. "Is it? Good? These so-called missions are murder in disguise. Nothing good about it."

Dongmin sighs. "I just meant–", he pauses, then "I'm glad you're okay."

I nod and the conversation falls there. I stare at him, waiting for him to tell me what he's actually here for.

"So, uhm," Dongmin starts. "You have a new mission. With me and Minjee and four of the juniors. It'll go down in two days."

I push some of the food around on my plate. "What is it?" I reply, dejected, because  _ great _ , another mission, another murder. As if I haven't had my fill of nightmares.

"That's all I can tell you for now. You'll be told the specifics on the day. Just be prepared."

"Why can't you tell me now?"

He doesn't answer the question, so I ask "Why are both you and Minjee coming?"

"We each have our own job to do."

"And the four others? Who are they?"

"They're from our corridor." Ah, them. The kids I studied and trained with back when Minjee and Dongmin taught us everything we know. I haven't really been in touch with the ones remaining since the test, even though we live in the same hall. Everyone's been different since the test.

Dongmin doesn't allow for more questions and gets up to leave. I go back to my food, wondering why this mission needs seven people, two of which are seasoned killers. The missions I’ve been on already involved only two people—me and Minjee—because Minjee has been showing me the ropes, so it strikes me as odd that so many of us are going. It makes me wonder how big of a mission this’ll be.

I prepare myself like he told me to. Not physically, though; I'm already in good shape with all the training I do. I prepare myself mentally. 

So far, I've only been on two missions: one of which I didn't participate much in (the most I did was drug someone so I could borrow their clothes and watch Minjee poison a drink to give to the target) and the other one happened just the other night when I helped retrieve a young renegade assassin, participated in torture for the first time, and watched on as the young boy got his face eaten by some crazed cannibalistic woman that was probably on some hard drugs.

So yeah, I prepare myself mentally. After seeing such a disturbingly gory sight on my second mission, I can only assume it'll get worse from this point on. Appa will expect me to do the thing he had me trained to do. Kill. If he drags an innocent person into it, like he did with that little girl he had held at gunpoint, then I think I would do it. Do I have much of a choice? There doesn't need to be more bloodshed than necessary as awful as that sounds.

The two days pass by as quick as lightning and before I know it, the day is here. I wait patiently for someone to, inevitably, call me down to the control center and brief me on the details of the mission. No one comes, though, so I entertain myself while I wait, and wait some more, until finally, someone comes while I'm lounging in my room, wondering again what kind of mission it'll be because there's seven of us. Seven of us are going. Maybe I can get away with just tagging along and not actually killing someone like I did with the first mission?

The person that came for me leads me to the elevator. I watch as they go to press the designated button for the control center, but their finger goes to the button just underneath it, then they scan their fingerprint and the elevator starts to descend. It takes my mind a few seconds to realize that they’re not taking me to the control center; they’re taking me to Appa’s office.

What about the mission briefing? I’m not eager to be there, but I’d rather go anywhere else than see that vile man. I hate him with a passion.

They bring me all the way to the doors of the office and the guards notify Appa of my arrival. A moment later, they open the doors and there he is—Appa sat at his huge desk, dressed in a pristine suit. His face doesn't give anything away. 

He gestures to one of the chairs in front of his desk and tells me to sit. I take a seat. 

"Appa," I start, "I have a mission soon. Why was I called to your office?"

"I know. I wanted to see you beforehand." He responds.

A slight grimace forms on my face. "Okay?" 

He folds his hands and rests them on top of the desk. “I wanted to speak to you about your mission. You’re aware of the two instructors and four juniors that will accompany you, yes?”

I nod. “Actually, I was curious about that. Why are seven of us going?”

“I will answer that in a minute. Now… you are one of my top assassins and, yet, you have never actually assassinated anyone. You’ve been taking baby steps and I have not condemned you for it before but now I am pushing for this. I know you are skilled, so it’s time you show that competence out in the field,” Appa pauses, and before he goes on, I cut in.

“Uhm… no? I’m only skilled because I was brought here against my will and forced to train. I don't want to go out and hurt people, and I certainly do not want to kill anyone… I don't know what this mission is about, but I know it’s something I don't want to do. Ask someone else.” I get up and make my way to the doors to leave.

“I don’t take no for an answer.”

“Well, you’re taking it now. Shove it up your ass for all I care. Apparently you’ve made exceptions for me before, so I don't see why you can't do it now.” Something cracks and bursts behind me but I don’t bother turning around.

“I'd watch my tone if I were you," Appa warns. I roll my eyes but he doesn't see it. "I’ll make sure to tell that to the dozens of orphans that will die because of your decision.”

I freeze right in front of the doors and turn around slowly. Appa is using a handkerchief to clean blood off one of his hands and there’s a pile of glass shards in the place of where there was once a glass cup.

“What does that mean?” I squint my eyes with suspicion. 

“I have been very lenient with you, you know. I’m giving you a choice. I can and will shoot up an orphanage because you “don’t want to”. All I have to do is give the order and all those little orphan deaths will be on your head. I’ll even send you a head in a gift box if you’d like,” Appa chuckles like he's said something funny.

I stare at him in disbelief and disgust. “That… that’s such a horrific thing to say, and an even more horrific thing to do. You’re deranged.”

Appa seems to revel in the insult. “Well, what will it be?” 

I shake my head in defeat, appalled that this man would even think about harming innocent children. But what did I expect? The first day everyone was brought here, he had a child murdered in front of us and held her severed head up by her hair like a trophy.

“That won’t be necessary. I’ll join the mission, just leave those kids alone.” I reply, disheartened, and throw in a “please” for good measure.

Appa beams. “Now that I have your full cooperation, I’ll tell you about the mission. There’s a rowdy gang in Gangseo-gu. It’s a relatively small gang of about fifty people. All of the members will be gathering in a warehouse tonight for a celebration. You seven are to go there and wipe them all out. Seven against fifty would be a good challenge, hm?”

“You want me to commit mass murder? That’s a massacre!”

“I’ll give you a massacre with all those orphans if you disappoint me. Those kids won’t be safe until you come back with news that every last one of those gang members are dead. Make sure they are.”

“Fine.”

“That’s my little killer!” Appa taunts in a baby voice. “Run along now, Appa has work to do.” He shoos me away.

I turn around, livid, and let myself out. I have never wanted to punch someone so bad in my life. 

The person that brought me here is waiting outside the doors and they escort me to the control center and then leave. Dongmin and Minjee are waiting for me, as well as Chunho ( _ugh_ ) and the juniors. I wonder if Appa has some kind of leverage over them, too, or if they're doing this voluntarily. We say our ‘hello’s and Chunho gives a short recap of the mission. After that, we gear up and head out.

We get herded into two black SUVs. I’m grouped with one of the girls and one of the boys with Dongmin as the driver and the other girl and other boy are with Minjee.

The drive there wasn't too bad—a little under two hours—but it was awkward the entire time. Dongmin had turned on the radio to fill the silence.

The closer we got to our destination, the more I noticed the amount of buildings becoming less and less and the area looking more and more deserted. 

The warehouse finally comes into view, isolated from the other buildings, in a cracked asphalt lot. A woodland flanks one side of the warehouse. The building looks old and abandoned but it's full of people if all the parked cars were any indication.

Minjee's vehicle slows as we near the parking lot and our car mimics her's. She parks in one of the spaces farthest from the building, and for a moment, I worry that we might be seen, but a quick look around proves that there's no lookouts outside. Those gangsters let their guards down a little too much. 

Dongmin parks our car next to her's. With the amount of cars in the lot, the cars we arrived in aren't that noticeable anyway, so it's probably nothing to worry about.

We all exit the cars quietly, careful to not slam the doors and attract attention. Minjee opens her trunk, pulls out a black duffle bag, and slings it onto her shoulder, closing the trunk quietly. All seven of us walk through the parking lot towards the back of the building. Even just outside the building, we can hear everyone inside. They’re being loud and careless.

At the back wall of the building, Minjee opens the duffle bag and holds it out for us to each grab a grappling gun. She shoots hers at the top of the building and pulls on it to make sure it's hooked on securely. Then she starts to scale the wall. The rest of us follow suit.

After everyone is on the roof, she opens the bag again and hands each of us a silencer to attach to our guns. I attach the silencer to my gun and peek through the roof windows while we wait for Dongmin's signal.

The inside of the warehouse was average in size. The gangsters mingled with each other while music played and people danced. There was a constant droning of voices. On one side of the room was a long table full of all kinds of food and drinks and snacks. On the other side was multiple wooden shipping crates, which probably contained guns and drugs. Maybe that's what they're celebrating, though, I'm not sure since it wasn't covered in detail at the briefing. Whatever they're partying over, their leader clearly thought it deserved a celebration. I hope they enjoy it because it won't last for long.

Dongmin silently opens the windows and steps onto a metal support beam. He shuffles in and the rest of us follow him in. We all scatter in different places and perch on the beams, waiting for the next signal. The partiers are none the wiser.

Dongmin holds up his hand and flicks his wrist and then the four juniors and I start shooting. I don't take the time to think about what I'm doing and just do it; it's easier that way. With the music going and the constant voices, the silenced gun shots aren't even heard. Men and women drop like flies and at least fifteen people are taken out before someone locates our position. She looks right at me and goes to draw her gun but I shoot her right between the eyes before I even see her weapon.  _ Don't think, just do. _

We reveal ourselves, sliding down the metal columns that the beams rest on, and jumping into the fray. I had quickly detached the silencer from the gun beforehand and put it and the gun in my jacket holster, exchanging them for my katana. The massacre begins.

We cut down the gangsters one by one. They fight back fiercely with fists and knives and guns. The slaughter persists and I kill without hesitation. Without thinking. Without feeling. Out of the corner of my eye, I spot one of the juniors about to be attacked from behind while she’s preoccupied with the gangster in front of her. The gangster I'm currently fighting takes advantage of me being slightly distracted to bring his gun up and shoot me in the face. I quickly move my head to the side and the bullet whizzes past my cheek. It was a close one and my ear is ringing but thankfully I wasn't shot. I disarm him, shooting him in the neck, ignoring the blood splatter. Then, like I'm on autopilot, I aim at the woman that’s pointing a gun at the girl's back and fire at her. The girl turns around as the woman drops to the ground. I discard the gun, preferring my blade.

“Thank you,” she says, a little smile pulling at her lips. I can't see it because of our masks but I can tell from her eyes. I nod my head at her, my heart beating fast, not from fear, but from an adrenaline rush coursing through my veins. The danger, the unknown, this fast-paced environment… it's  _electrifying. _The other missions weren't like this.__

____

The massacre goes on. A woman quickly pulls a gun on me. I kick it out of her hand and slash her chest with my sword, then move on to the next one. A burly man charges at me and grabs at my sword. We grapple at it for a few moments, both of us trying to wrestle it out of the other's hand. The man starts to overpower me so I knee him powerfully in the groin and he stumbles back, groaning. I swipe my sword at his neck and blood spurts out, dotting my face. As he falls, I see, in my line of sight, the girl I saved. She throws a dagger in my direction and my eyes widen slightly before realizing it's not heading for me. The daggers whips past my ear and I hear it lodge itself into flesh with a dull thud behind me. A gunshot goes off and I turn around to a woman falling to the ground, a gun in her hand, the dagger in her throat, and blood spewing out. I turn back around to the girl.

____

__

____

“Thanks,” I say and she nods, her eyes crinkling, a sign that she's smiling. I return the smile, a euphoric tingle running through my body and goosebumps rising on my skin. More gangsters charge at us and we’re back at it.

____

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Dongmin watches from on the support beam, assisting only if absolutely necessary and taking up arms to defend himself against anyone who raises a weapon at him. He's mostly there to report our performance to Appa. It feels like another test but I somehow don’t mind this time. Minjee went off when the shooting started to find and kill the leader since he isn't in the room with his followers.

____

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The number of gangsters in the room gradually dwindles down to one and they're quickly taken care of. The massacre is over, Minjee is back, and the whole gang is dead. Everyone on our side is okay. As I look over all the dead bodies, I remember how I felt during the slaughter. How I felt like I was having fun. All I feel now is shame, disgust, and regret. 

____

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We leave as quickly as we came, this time going through the doors because there's no one left to stop us. No evidence of our being here is left behind, just a pile of dead bodies, food that will likely spoil by the time the police catch wind of this, and the wooden shipping crates.

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Minjee and Dongmin drive us back and, as soon as I enter the building, I head to Appa's office to talk. I need to know that those orphan kids will be fine. I need reassurance. Once the guards notify him of my arrival and let me into his office, I cut to the chase.

____

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"I did what you asked me to. Tell me those kids will be okay."

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"Nice to see you too," Apps jests.

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"I'm being serious." 

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"I am, too." Apps shifts in his chair, taking on a more serious tone. "Those kids will be okay. More importantly, I wanna talk about you. I heard you did well. Baby's first kill! I knew that if you'd just apply yourself, you'd be great. How did it feel?"

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I choose to stay silent, unsure of what to say. I can’t tell him how I felt. I can’t tell him that it was exciting, that I liked the rush it gave me.

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"You're not gonna answer the question?" Appa asks. "You felt something, didn't you? Something… pleasant, I presume?"

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"No," I lie, "I feel like I did something awful, something I didn't want to." 

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"Right," Appa says, disbelievingly. "It's okay if you don't want to admit it." 

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I bristle at that. "What we're doing—what you're making us do—is wrong. Would you admit that?"

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"Every mission you're sent on is to get rid of bad people. What's so wrong about that?"

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"They're still people. We're still killing people. Do you not have any regard for human life?"

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Appa hums. "What about the people who kill innocents, who kill children? What about the rapists and the terrorists and the murderers? The abusers? The people who take advantage of the less fortunate? Those people that don't get caught. Where's their regard for human life? You think we should just leave them alone?"

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" I…"

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"Speechless?" Appa huffs out a breathy laugh. "We're doing the people a favor, darling." 

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I cringe at the term of endearment. "You're so full of yourself."

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"And you're naive to think anything will change if we don't get rid of the root of the problem."

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"Get off your fucking high horse. We both know you don't give a shit about change."

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I storm off to the doors as Appa chuckles. I pause in front of them and as I turn the handles, I take a deep breath. Softly, I say, “You know, you can’t keep doing this.”

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“Doing what?” Appa replies.

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“This. Using people as leverage to get me to do what you want. Making us kill people for profit. You can’t do this forever.”

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“Really? Who’s going to stop me?”

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“Karma, maybe? Who knows? I just think it’ll happen sooner rather than later.” I throw open the doors, hearing “Is that a threat?” before they slam shut.

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I go up to my room for a shower. As I stand under the hot spray, I realize for the first time today that I'm now a murderer. I killed people. Several people. Sure, they were bad people, and yeah, I did it to save innocent children, but they were still people. 

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The worst part of it was that I took some sort of sick pleasure in it. It wasn't the killing part that did it for me. It was the adventure, the action, the danger. In the moment, I felt something, like Appa said, and I feel ashamed of it. Disgusted by it. 

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I can't remember the faces of everyone I killed today. It all happened in a blur, but maybe that's for the best. I don't think my conscience could take it if I remembered them all. Not that I deserve that small mercy. 

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But I do remember the very first one. My first kill. I see her clearly. She had a determined look on her face, a furrow in her brows, a fire in her eyes. Then I stole that fire, that light, in her eyes. Her face becomes another to add to the nightmares. 

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The moment I killed her is the moment I became a murderer. It's too late to turn back now.

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End file.
